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#1 impatient

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Posted 03 January 2012 - 11:58 PM

I haven't been to a baby shower in about 3 1/2 years now. I hate them. It's torturous to sit there and watch a group of women compare notes on something that I want so badly, but will probably never have. Even if we ever are lucky enough to adopt one day, there will never be a baby shower. First you have to wait 30 days to see if the birth mother is going to change her mind, then you have to wait to see if the birth father is suddenly going to show up, plus it takes about 6 months before custody is legalized. If/when we celebrate, it will never be in the form of a baby shower.

I have a friend who I've known since I was eleven. She's abour four months pregnant. Her partner is divorced and doesn't want to get married, so this is IT: the big celebration of her life. She has watched many of our friends (including myself) get married, and even though she really wants a wedding, she will probably never get one.

Another friend (who should know better) recently approached me at a party about helping her plan a baby shower. She just assumed I'd be on board and it wasn't really the time to discuss it properly.

Moral dilemna - Do I put myself first and boycott the shower? (Of course, I would celebrate with her and give her a gift, but probably just the two of us over lunch or something like that.) Or, do I suck it up and go to the shower (and spend three hours trying not to cry)?

What are your thoughts?
Me: 41, DH: 44
TTC: since Jan, 2008 (age 34)

DH: Low morphology, low count. Me: Stage 2-3 endometriosis, non-functional fallopian tubes, small fibroids, low AFC, low poor responder ... anything else?

Jun 2008-Sep 2011 in a nutshell: One HSG, one very traumatic office hysteroscopy, one operative laparoscopy, three fresh IVF/ICSI cycles, one chemical, one early miscarriage, two tubal recanalizations, five IUIs (3 with Clomid).

May 2010 - Aug 2011 Attempted adoption application process through the BC MCFD. Aug 2011 Signed up with a private agency. On both waiting lists as of Apr 2012. Proposal through MCFD Jul 2012. Aug 2012 - Finally ... she's home and we're a family! : )

Adoption application #2 started Aug 2013. DD2 placed May 2014. Now waiting/hoping for adoption order.


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#2 RainbowsPromise

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Posted 04 January 2012 - 12:33 AM

I'd talk to her privately and explain why you can't go to a shower for her and hopefully she'll understand. I too have only gone to a handful of showers in the last 4 years and the ones I have gone to, it was because the person was extra special to me (so that's 2 showers out of about 20)... those 2 showers just about killed me tho. I was at one where the hostess knew what I'd gone through with IVF and losing our adopted son but asked me if I wanted to hold the baby anyways... REALLY??? The mother completely understood tho and was so grateful for me being there... she told me that she realized how hard it was to be there and that she really appreciated that I'd gone despite how painful it was for me. In the end, tho, it's about self-preservation and while you want to celebrate with her, I think she will understand if its just too hard for you to be there at the public celebration.
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Me 42 DH 44 Married since 2005 and have been TTC the whole time.One adoption revocation through the AB govt (son taken back by birth family after 6 days)Multiple failed clomid cyclesMultiple failed home IUI cycles.Two failed IVF cycles (didn't get to retrieval).Pursuit of donor embryos through direct donation.FET with direct donor embryos in Nov 2010 resulted in a BFP!Jan 2011- both empty sacs and m/c has begun. June 2011- Second donor embryo cycle (anonymous donor). BFN.Oct 2011- Third donor embryo cycle (anonymous donor). BFN.Nov 2011- Pursuing private adoption through Christian Adoption Services.May 2012- Officially on the waiting list for CAS.See "About Me" page for specifics on our journey and continued updates.Believing that God WILL answer our prayers for children! He is the one who placed the desire for children in our hearts so we trust that it will happen.... in His time. The message that keeps coming is from Psalm 37:7 "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him". December 2013- God has answered our prayers in a way we truly didn't think was possible- we brought home a little boy and survived the 10-day waiting period, lol. To Him be the glory- the testimony of this little one is amazing!

#3 silverdollar

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Posted 04 January 2012 - 01:51 AM

I'd vote for getting together with her privately on a different day as well. Both of you will feel better about it because it will be way less awkward. It gives your friend the loud and clear message that you care about her, but just find the environment of a shower difficult.
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After a wild and crazy ride on the treatment train, our baby GIRL arrived on Jan 6, 2012
Hold on.... Surprise spontaneous just 7 months postpartum while still breastfeeding!!! Baby boy born May 2, 2013
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#4 orchid

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Posted 04 January 2012 - 08:57 AM

Baby showers for us IF ladies are brutal. My younger sister had me organize her baby shower last year for 70 people and my heart was in the pit of my stomach the whole 3 months the shower was in the plans. It was about the hardest and most guilt ridden thing I've ever had to do and she noticed, albeit not for how hard it was on me, but how I lacked enthusiasm. Non-IF folks just don't understand. So, for that reason my vote is for the self preservation aproach. It is unrealistic for a non-IF person to provide the kind of sympathy we need in a neutral circumstance, never mind at a baby shower, where they expectant Mom expects it to be her celebration.

Fast forward a year, and I have been fortunate enough to get pregnant on our 2nd IVF try, however I am NOT having a baby shower ... just don't want one because of how painfull it was to attend the very few I did. I may get over this in my next life, but for now it's been a tough and hurtfull road. I would rather give the time, energy and hope in supporting another IF woman in her journey instead.

I second Silverdollar's suggestion.

All the best and sending you babydust!
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#5 Vetter

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Posted 04 January 2012 - 09:09 AM

STAY HOME! Just think of this -- you know you'll feel guilty/sad with either decision, right? So... which decision will make you feel less bad/guilty?

Unless it's a family member or absolutely best friend, it's not worth the emotional toll both during and after the shower....

My vote: private lunch, present exchange and hit up a movie on shower day!
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#6 mollygirl21

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Posted 04 January 2012 - 11:28 AM

Does your friend know about your struggles? If so, I would explain to her that you find it difficult to attend this type of celebration and worry that your lack of enthusiasm will dampen her big day. Ask if she minds if you bow out, hopefully she won't.

My MIL's best friend's daughter suffered a m/c at 12 weeks two days ago. When my MIL told me about it, I told her to assure both her best friend (the grandma to be) and her daughter that I completely understand if they skip my shower to be held in a couple weeks - there is no way I expect anyone to put on a brave face for me.

I haven't attended baby showers in the past few years other than for my sister. I recognize that it is difficult for fertiles to understand the heartache this kind of celebration causes us but you have to do what is best for you. I tried to do the right thing and attend a baptism a couple years ago and ended up leaving the church sobbing after listening to the minister go on and on about what a blessing babies are. I was humiliated, DH was humiliated and ticked off (men don't understand all the time) and I felt so guilty about it all. I should have just stayed home!

Much better to stay home and be a passing thought by the others who are attending than to make a spectacle of yourself sobbing in the kitchen (exactly what I would have been if I had attended a shower).

I hope your friend understands and I hope you reach a decision that you are at peace with Impatient!

MG
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#7 mollygirl21

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Posted 04 January 2012 - 11:30 AM

Of course, your other option is to say you're going but come down with a bad cold that you don't want to spread to the expectant mom the day of the shower. That way you don't have to explain yourself or try to justify your feelings.
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After 3+ years, my cycle history is quite long. For details on each cycle, please visit my "About Me" page

Trying since fall 2007
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COH+IUI in Nov 08 = BFN
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Moving on to adoption :)
March 22, 2010 - finished PRIDE classes
waiting to begin homestudy sometime in the next two years. That's not a typo - TWO YEARS
Feb 2012 - got a call that they are ready to start our home study...putting off all adoption decisions for at least 6 months because I am 2 weeks from my due date (see below)

Feb 2011 - we've been offered donor embryos! FET in a few months after preliminary tests are done...
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It's a BOY!!
EDD is Feb 26, 2012
beautiful healthy baby boy born March 1, 2012 <3

My friend ButterflyKiss provided this quote from Laura Bush's book and I think it captures how many of us feel:"The English language lacks the words to mourn an absence... for someone who was never there at all, we are wordless to capture that particular emptiness. For those who deeply want children and are denied them, those missing babies hover like silent, ephemeral shadows over their lives. Who can describe the feel of a tiny hand that is never held?"

#8 Laura1976

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Posted 04 January 2012 - 11:45 AM

I have to agree with the general consensus here and vote for regretfully declining. For me it's not even actual events that are that hard for me, it the lead up to them. Either way your feelings are your feelings and you can't control them.

Good luck and I hope your friend will understand and that the two of you can find something else special to do together.
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#9 frostedlemon

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Posted 04 January 2012 - 11:56 AM

I'd go with the explain yourself, skip the shower, and do something private with her if you're up to that, or do whatever you are comfortable with - send a gift but don't see her with the belly if that's your trigger. (I had issues with pregnant people but was better once the baby was around for some reason). As SD says, that way she'll know you support her and it's the shower environment that's too hard for you. I think even if fertiles don't understand right away, they should be able to if it's explained.

#10 runnerchick

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Posted 04 January 2012 - 01:12 PM

You know, I've been going to the baby showers, and coming home a mess and it takes a few days to "right" myself again. I never considered it an option NOT to go. It sounds like, in the interest of self preservation, you maybe ought to get together with her privately.

And, why can't you change the rules about the shower? Once the adoption goes through, everything is settled and permanent, why not have a "toddler" shower? If the point of a shower is to celebrate the child and the parents, you should be able to do that at any age, especially when you have to struggle so hard just to make it through the adoption process, nevermind everything else you've been through. People want to celebrate with you, and those who don't have the option of not attending.

Hugs to you...
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#11 impatient

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Posted 04 January 2012 - 05:17 PM

Thanks, guys. It's reassuring to know that you're all pretty much on the same page as me re: the baby shower issue.

It's easy to make excuses when it comes to acquaintances, but harder to know how to handle it when it's a long-time friend. I have to say that my own experiences and also seeing what so many of you here on this site have been through makes me a little superstitious about baby showers too. I feel uncomfortable for myself, but I also feel a sense of impending doom when people celebrate "too much" before the baby is actually born.

The more I think about it, the more I like the idea of taking her out for a nice lunch and celebrating with her privately ... but much closer to the due date.
Me: 41, DH: 44
TTC: since Jan, 2008 (age 34)

DH: Low morphology, low count. Me: Stage 2-3 endometriosis, non-functional fallopian tubes, small fibroids, low AFC, low poor responder ... anything else?

Jun 2008-Sep 2011 in a nutshell: One HSG, one very traumatic office hysteroscopy, one operative laparoscopy, three fresh IVF/ICSI cycles, one chemical, one early miscarriage, two tubal recanalizations, five IUIs (3 with Clomid).

May 2010 - Aug 2011 Attempted adoption application process through the BC MCFD. Aug 2011 Signed up with a private agency. On both waiting lists as of Apr 2012. Proposal through MCFD Jul 2012. Aug 2012 - Finally ... she's home and we're a family! : )

Adoption application #2 started Aug 2013. DD2 placed May 2014. Now waiting/hoping for adoption order.


"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
Thomas Edison

#12 Zoe13

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Posted 04 January 2012 - 08:17 PM

I definately feel heartache for myself and DH when I attend baby showers... I missed one for a good friend last month because I had to go for an ultrasound and bloodwork for my diagnostic cycle monitoring and couldn't make it in time. I explained it to my friend and she was VERY understanding. After having a friend react very negatively after I didn't attend her bachelorette party because I was feeling upset about a failed IUI I can definately say it's better to explain the situation and not go if you don't feel that it would be good for you emotionally. If she isn't happy with your generous offer to get together for lunch then she isn't a friend worth having anyways. I was shocked at how unsupportive and selfish the "bride to be" was in my situation but I guess I am learning who my true friends are.

I would also like to second Runnerchick's suggestion to "change the rules" for baby showers. I am actually going to a baby shower for an adopted little boy in a few weekends... The way I see it, after going through the financial and emotional burden of IF treatments and/or adoption you should celebrate any way you want!
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#13 silverdollar

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Posted 04 January 2012 - 08:28 PM

I also like the idea of changing the shower rules. When my good friends adopted they threw a "30 day party" and and several months later an "adoption is finally legal" party. Their intent was to thank everyone who supported them through the long stressful adoption process. They asked for no gifts, but of course many of us spoiled them anyway. It is way more fun (and practical) to buy gifts for a 1 year old, than stuff for a newborn.

On another note, I've always gone to baby showers held after the birth of the baby. I'd actually never heard of one done for a pregnant woman until recently. I didn't ever give much thought to that concept before, but God forbid, what if something happened? Aren't most people there to see the baby rather than the mother anyway?

Unexplained IF/ DOR. Began TTC in 2008.
After a wild and crazy ride on the treatment train, our baby GIRL arrived on Jan 6, 2012
Hold on.... Surprise spontaneous just 7 months postpartum while still breastfeeding!!! Baby boy born May 2, 2013
My heart couldn't be more full :)
 
Full details are now in my profile "About Me" page

#14 impatient

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Posted 04 January 2012 - 10:38 PM

Interesting. All the ones I've been invited to have been before the birth. It would be way more fun to actually see the baby and not just sit through hours of gift opening.
Me: 41, DH: 44
TTC: since Jan, 2008 (age 34)

DH: Low morphology, low count. Me: Stage 2-3 endometriosis, non-functional fallopian tubes, small fibroids, low AFC, low poor responder ... anything else?

Jun 2008-Sep 2011 in a nutshell: One HSG, one very traumatic office hysteroscopy, one operative laparoscopy, three fresh IVF/ICSI cycles, one chemical, one early miscarriage, two tubal recanalizations, five IUIs (3 with Clomid).

May 2010 - Aug 2011 Attempted adoption application process through the BC MCFD. Aug 2011 Signed up with a private agency. On both waiting lists as of Apr 2012. Proposal through MCFD Jul 2012. Aug 2012 - Finally ... she's home and we're a family! : )

Adoption application #2 started Aug 2013. DD2 placed May 2014. Now waiting/hoping for adoption order.


"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
Thomas Edison

#15 runnerchick

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Posted 04 January 2012 - 10:49 PM

I think it's a regional thing. I've only ever been to showers after the baby was born, but my SIL, who's from NB, had one before my nephew was born, and had never heard of one after. Her reasoning was that then people can buy things you need for when the baby comes home, but I'm with Silverdollar on this one- what if something happened? I held my breath until he was born....

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#16 RainbowsPromise

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Posted 05 January 2012 - 12:25 AM

Interesting. All the ones I've been invited to have been before the birth. It would be way more fun to actually see the baby and not just sit through hours of gift opening.


OK so that now makes sense why you feel you wouldn't deserve to have a shower for an adoption. Most of the showers I've gone to have been for after the baby is born... as someone said, I guess it depends on what's harder for you, seeing pregnant women or seeing babies (for me it's the latter). I think having a party to celebrate when things become legal is a great idea and totally acceptable, particularly if you're adopting an older child and not an infant. One thing to remember is there's going to be an adjustment period, not only for you but also for the child, so you really want to limit how many people they are in contact with too soon after you bring them home because it can hurt the bonding/attachment process (I read this is true even with infants adopted at 6 months of age). Again there's the fear of revocation so planning something after the courts have finalized everything is good too so you won't have to worry about having things go wrong, just as others have said about having a baby shower before the baby's born.
Me 42 DH 44 Married since 2005 and have been TTC the whole time.One adoption revocation through the AB govt (son taken back by birth family after 6 days)Multiple failed clomid cyclesMultiple failed home IUI cycles.Two failed IVF cycles (didn't get to retrieval).Pursuit of donor embryos through direct donation.FET with direct donor embryos in Nov 2010 resulted in a BFP!Jan 2011- both empty sacs and m/c has begun. June 2011- Second donor embryo cycle (anonymous donor). BFN.Oct 2011- Third donor embryo cycle (anonymous donor). BFN.Nov 2011- Pursuing private adoption through Christian Adoption Services.May 2012- Officially on the waiting list for CAS.See "About Me" page for specifics on our journey and continued updates.Believing that God WILL answer our prayers for children! He is the one who placed the desire for children in our hearts so we trust that it will happen.... in His time. The message that keeps coming is from Psalm 37:7 "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him". December 2013- God has answered our prayers in a way we truly didn't think was possible- we brought home a little boy and survived the 10-day waiting period, lol. To Him be the glory- the testimony of this little one is amazing!

#17 impatient

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Posted 05 January 2012 - 08:40 AM

One thing to remember is there's going to be an adjustment period, not only for you but also for the child, so you really want to limit how many people they are in contact with too soon after you bring them home because it can hurt the bonding/attachment process


That's one of the reasons why I say we'll likely never have a baby shower. I'm sure there will be some sort of celebration, but it won't be a huge crowd of people sitting in our living room giving us gifts. More likely it would be something very, very small with just family or a handful of close friends and more focused on the child rather than on me or my DH.

Not that I don't think adoption doesn't deserve a shower - it would be nice ... but I just think it's a much more complicated situation.
Me: 41, DH: 44
TTC: since Jan, 2008 (age 34)

DH: Low morphology, low count. Me: Stage 2-3 endometriosis, non-functional fallopian tubes, small fibroids, low AFC, low poor responder ... anything else?

Jun 2008-Sep 2011 in a nutshell: One HSG, one very traumatic office hysteroscopy, one operative laparoscopy, three fresh IVF/ICSI cycles, one chemical, one early miscarriage, two tubal recanalizations, five IUIs (3 with Clomid).

May 2010 - Aug 2011 Attempted adoption application process through the BC MCFD. Aug 2011 Signed up with a private agency. On both waiting lists as of Apr 2012. Proposal through MCFD Jul 2012. Aug 2012 - Finally ... she's home and we're a family! : )

Adoption application #2 started Aug 2013. DD2 placed May 2014. Now waiting/hoping for adoption order.


"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
Thomas Edison

#18 silverdollar

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Posted 05 January 2012 - 08:48 AM

There is certainly no rule that your celebration needs to involve a large crowd, or be on a specific time line. Make it what you want to. I hope you have reason to celebrate soon!

Unexplained IF/ DOR. Began TTC in 2008.
After a wild and crazy ride on the treatment train, our baby GIRL arrived on Jan 6, 2012
Hold on.... Surprise spontaneous just 7 months postpartum while still breastfeeding!!! Baby boy born May 2, 2013
My heart couldn't be more full :)
 
Full details are now in my profile "About Me" page

#19 Elana

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Posted 05 January 2012 - 12:18 PM

I am a huge proponent of skipping showers, and really wouldn't think twice about it if the thought of one brings tears to your eyes or takes you days to recover from. I think they are torture for women whose own motherhood is still contentious. I do think it is a great idea to do something special for your friend, just the two of you. Dealing with the mutual friend who approached you about planning a shower is a bit more awkward, but make it as simple as possible for yourself. Just be honest but don't embellish. Say something to the effect of: "I think it's a great idea if you want to plan a shower, but it's not something I have the time and energy to invest in at this point, so I'd prefer to stay out of it, and instead have decided to do something special on my own with [friend]."

Let us know how it turns out!

Elana
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#20 sharlene

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Posted 05 January 2012 - 03:27 PM

Wow - great responses! Just adding my 2 cents - I agree with everyone - notice how not one person here said "go and suck it up" - we get it!

My cousin had a party when her adoption (of her son) was completed - granted, he was older at that point, but it was a grand party none the less - it was certainly more fun than a baby shower.

I was approached by friends and relatives who wanted to plan a baby shower for me - and while I was touched to discover that they were even interested in doing something like that for me (when I was pregnant), I was just not comfortable with it until the baby was born. I didn't think the shower would cause a problem, it just seemed like I was somehow tempting fate or somehow celebrating the pregnancy and not the baby or I don't know what exactly. Anyway, in the end, we skipped all of it - and different people just came by to meet the baby after his arrival.

I hope you get your reason for your own celebration soon - and that after some settling in time that it is a great welcoming event!

#21 capo

capo
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Posted 05 January 2012 - 08:22 PM

impatient - I know it's not the point of your thread, but I highly recommend the 'Adoption Finalization' party! By the time the judge gave the final stamp of approval, Nicholas was settled and recognized all our family as well as his foster family. We threw a party after court for all and it was fantastic! I didn't think I felt anxious, but when that sealed paper was in my hand I had a 'Start the car!' moment - I couldn't get out of that court house fast enough. It is fun to celebrate when you can finally feel elated without all the complicated strings attached.
  • impatient, gibasgirl and Emily81 like this
Me-35, DH - 41
TTC since 2005 - high FSH/low ovarian reserve and endo
Ectopic pregnancy Dec 2006
3 cycles clomid (Ob Gyn) - BFN
TCART
2 IUIs (Letrosol) - BFN
3 IUIS (Menopur & Letrosol) - 1 chemical pg
OFC
IVF#1/ICSI Feb./Mar. 2009 (Puregon & Repronex) 6 retrieved, 5 fertilized, 2 embies 3dt - BFN
July 20 - Laparoscopy & laser for stage 2 endometriosis, tubes clear
Sept. 2009 - Approved for CAS adoption!!
Create
IVF#2/ICSI Dec. 2009 - natural cycle - BFN
IVF#3 planned for Feb. 2010, but life had better plans:
Jan. 2010 Nicholas is our CAS miracle! Our son is home and we are ecstatic!
April 2010 surprise natural BFP - Allyson was born December 31st 2010!

What a year - we are truly happy and beyond grateful!

#22 RedEmber

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Posted 24 January 2012 - 03:36 PM

And, why can't you change the rules about the shower? Once the adoption goes through, everything is settled and permanent, why not have a "toddler" shower? If the point of a shower is to celebrate the child and the parents, you should be able to do that at any age, especially when you have to struggle so hard just to make it through the adoption process, nevermind everything else you've been through. People want to celebrate with you, and those who don't have the option of not attending.


In China they don't have baby showers, they have 1 month celebrations. They celebrate 1 month after the baby is born instead. The history behind it is rather morbid, since they celebrated after 1 month to make sure the baby was going to live. However, having a party to celebrate your adoptive child would be similar, since you'd have it when you knew for sure they were going to be a part of your lives forever.
  • gibasgirl likes this
ABOUT US
  • Me: 33, RE says all OK, but 2 Naturopaths sees low progesterone in luteal phase.
  • DH: 33, Male Factor - low concentration, motility, morphology and antibodies
HISTORY
  • 19 Sep 2010: Began TTC
  • 9 Nov 2011: Us = 1st appointment with fertility clinic (Dr. O'Keane).
  • 11 Jan 2012: Us = 2nd appointment with fertility clinic. Find out its male factor.
  • 15 Mar 2012: Us = Attend mandatory IVF talk.
IVF#1
  • 19 Mar 2012: Us = Active on wait list
  • 2 May 2012: Us = Got call to begin IVF
  • 16 May 2012: Me = Start Suprefact nasal spray & baby aspirin
  • 30 May 2012: Me = Start Stims: Gonal F = 150 iu, Luveris = 75 iu. Dose later reduced to 125 then 100 iu Gonal F. Stimmed for 9 days. 20 follicles.
  • 10 Jun 2012: Us = Egg retrieval. 18 eggs. Fertilization through ICSI.
  • 11 Jun 2012: Us = Day 1, Embryologist report: Of 18 eggs retrieved, 17 mature, 15 fertilized. Began Prometrium and Estrace.
  • 13 Jun 2012: Us = Day 3, Embryologist report: We've still got 15 embryos. Going for a day 5 transfer.
  • 15 Jun 2012: Us = Day 5, transfer 1 x 3AA blast (perfect), Embryologist report: other 14 not doing well, warned we might not have anything to freeze
  • 16 Jun 2012: Us = Day 6, Embryologist report: 4 frozen. All developmental 4, quality A's and B's
  • 28 Jun 2012: Me = Official pregnancy test = BFP
  • 29 Jun 2012: Me = 1st Beta: 449 (14dp5dt)
  • 1 Jul 2012: Me = 2nd Beta: 1012 (16dp5dt)
  • 16 Jul 2012: Me = Ultrasound, pregnant 7w1d, measured 6w,4d. Heart beat 120bpm.
  • 11 Sep 2012: Me = Doppler, heart beat 150bpm.
  • 10 Oct 2012: Me = Ultrasound, heart beat 136bpm, it's a boy.
  • 4 Mar 2013: Due Date
src="http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/p/dev062pb___.png" alt="pregnant" border="0" />

#23 RedEmber

RedEmber
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Posted 24 January 2012 - 03:48 PM

I think it's a regional thing. I've only ever been to showers after the baby was born, but my SIL, who's from NB, had one before my nephew was born, and had never heard of one after. Her reasoning was that then people can buy things you need for when the baby comes home, but I'm with Silverdollar on this one- what if something happened? I held my breath until he was born....


I've only ever heard of showers before the birth. But then I get my info on showers from the TV, since I've never been to one. In the UK we just give the baby a gift (usually some clothes) the first time we meet the baby, no big party. Mind you, I think baby showers in the UK might be starting to catch on. Since moving to Canada, I've had 3 friends give birth here - 1 was a Brit so no shower, 1 was Chinese so it was a 1 month celebration and the 1 shower I was invited to I said I was busy. So far no showers, and I intend to keep it that way.
ABOUT US
  • Me: 33, RE says all OK, but 2 Naturopaths sees low progesterone in luteal phase.
  • DH: 33, Male Factor - low concentration, motility, morphology and antibodies
HISTORY
  • 19 Sep 2010: Began TTC
  • 9 Nov 2011: Us = 1st appointment with fertility clinic (Dr. O'Keane).
  • 11 Jan 2012: Us = 2nd appointment with fertility clinic. Find out its male factor.
  • 15 Mar 2012: Us = Attend mandatory IVF talk.
IVF#1
  • 19 Mar 2012: Us = Active on wait list
  • 2 May 2012: Us = Got call to begin IVF
  • 16 May 2012: Me = Start Suprefact nasal spray & baby aspirin
  • 30 May 2012: Me = Start Stims: Gonal F = 150 iu, Luveris = 75 iu. Dose later reduced to 125 then 100 iu Gonal F. Stimmed for 9 days. 20 follicles.
  • 10 Jun 2012: Us = Egg retrieval. 18 eggs. Fertilization through ICSI.
  • 11 Jun 2012: Us = Day 1, Embryologist report: Of 18 eggs retrieved, 17 mature, 15 fertilized. Began Prometrium and Estrace.
  • 13 Jun 2012: Us = Day 3, Embryologist report: We've still got 15 embryos. Going for a day 5 transfer.
  • 15 Jun 2012: Us = Day 5, transfer 1 x 3AA blast (perfect), Embryologist report: other 14 not doing well, warned we might not have anything to freeze
  • 16 Jun 2012: Us = Day 6, Embryologist report: 4 frozen. All developmental 4, quality A's and B's
  • 28 Jun 2012: Me = Official pregnancy test = BFP
  • 29 Jun 2012: Me = 1st Beta: 449 (14dp5dt)
  • 1 Jul 2012: Me = 2nd Beta: 1012 (16dp5dt)
  • 16 Jul 2012: Me = Ultrasound, pregnant 7w1d, measured 6w,4d. Heart beat 120bpm.
  • 11 Sep 2012: Me = Doppler, heart beat 150bpm.
  • 10 Oct 2012: Me = Ultrasound, heart beat 136bpm, it's a boy.
  • 4 Mar 2013: Due Date
src="http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/p/dev062pb___.png" alt="pregnant" border="0" />

#24 impatient

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Posted 25 January 2012 - 04:49 PM

I think China has the right idea.

Well, I think they've figured it out for themselves and saved me from being in an awkward situation. I just got an email this morning saying that they've sent out invitations and didn't send me one because they didn't think I'd want to go, but that they wanted to let me know about it anyway, just in case. Perfect. Posted Image

(I just did the math - she's only 5 months pregnant - talk about early for a shower ...)
  • gibasgirl likes this
Me: 41, DH: 44
TTC: since Jan, 2008 (age 34)

DH: Low morphology, low count. Me: Stage 2-3 endometriosis, non-functional fallopian tubes, small fibroids, low AFC, low poor responder ... anything else?

Jun 2008-Sep 2011 in a nutshell: One HSG, one very traumatic office hysteroscopy, one operative laparoscopy, three fresh IVF/ICSI cycles, one chemical, one early miscarriage, two tubal recanalizations, five IUIs (3 with Clomid).

May 2010 - Aug 2011 Attempted adoption application process through the BC MCFD. Aug 2011 Signed up with a private agency. On both waiting lists as of Apr 2012. Proposal through MCFD Jul 2012. Aug 2012 - Finally ... she's home and we're a family! : )

Adoption application #2 started Aug 2013. DD2 placed May 2014. Now waiting/hoping for adoption order.


"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work."
Thomas Edison

#25 RedEmber

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Posted 26 January 2012 - 03:27 PM

Well, I think they've figured it out for themselves and saved me from being in an awkward situation. I just got an email this morning saying that they've sent out invitations and didn't send me one because they didn't think I'd want to go, but that they wanted to let me know about it anyway, just in case. Perfect. Posted Image


That's great :) Nice to know some fertiles, do know how we're feeling.
ABOUT US
  • Me: 33, RE says all OK, but 2 Naturopaths sees low progesterone in luteal phase.
  • DH: 33, Male Factor - low concentration, motility, morphology and antibodies
HISTORY
  • 19 Sep 2010: Began TTC
  • 9 Nov 2011: Us = 1st appointment with fertility clinic (Dr. O'Keane).
  • 11 Jan 2012: Us = 2nd appointment with fertility clinic. Find out its male factor.
  • 15 Mar 2012: Us = Attend mandatory IVF talk.
IVF#1
  • 19 Mar 2012: Us = Active on wait list
  • 2 May 2012: Us = Got call to begin IVF
  • 16 May 2012: Me = Start Suprefact nasal spray & baby aspirin
  • 30 May 2012: Me = Start Stims: Gonal F = 150 iu, Luveris = 75 iu. Dose later reduced to 125 then 100 iu Gonal F. Stimmed for 9 days. 20 follicles.
  • 10 Jun 2012: Us = Egg retrieval. 18 eggs. Fertilization through ICSI.
  • 11 Jun 2012: Us = Day 1, Embryologist report: Of 18 eggs retrieved, 17 mature, 15 fertilized. Began Prometrium and Estrace.
  • 13 Jun 2012: Us = Day 3, Embryologist report: We've still got 15 embryos. Going for a day 5 transfer.
  • 15 Jun 2012: Us = Day 5, transfer 1 x 3AA blast (perfect), Embryologist report: other 14 not doing well, warned we might not have anything to freeze
  • 16 Jun 2012: Us = Day 6, Embryologist report: 4 frozen. All developmental 4, quality A's and B's
  • 28 Jun 2012: Me = Official pregnancy test = BFP
  • 29 Jun 2012: Me = 1st Beta: 449 (14dp5dt)
  • 1 Jul 2012: Me = 2nd Beta: 1012 (16dp5dt)
  • 16 Jul 2012: Me = Ultrasound, pregnant 7w1d, measured 6w,4d. Heart beat 120bpm.
  • 11 Sep 2012: Me = Doppler, heart beat 150bpm.
  • 10 Oct 2012: Me = Ultrasound, heart beat 136bpm, it's a boy.
  • 4 Mar 2013: Due Date
src="http://tickers.baby-gaga.com/p/dev062pb___.png" alt="pregnant" border="0" />