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Where do I fit In?

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#1 ambyk

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  • Location:Thunder Bay, ON
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  • Dx:Unexplained

Posted 18 November 2011 - 09:34 PM

We have been TTC for 4 1/2 years, official DX 'unexplained'. We made the decision early on that we would not undergo any 'treatment' until we knew what the problem was. (We didn't want to go through years of treatment and thousands of dollars only to find out that it might never happen anyway)....we were given our IVF protocol in Jan 2011, we made plans to begin in April 2011. In March I discovered I was pregnant and had a miscarriage at 5 1/2 weeks, we were beyond devastated and hadn't even began to discuss 'what now' when I found out in October I was pregnant again. Again I miscarried at 6 weeks. Currently I'm waiting to complete bloodwork for further investigation (Antiphospholipid syndrome, recheck insulin, thyroid etc). We have decided that IVF is on hold pending results. I've found IVF.CA to be be a great source of information and support, but I find myself struggling with where do I 'fit in'? It seems most everyone here has been through Meds, IUI, IVF, etc etc etc. I'm not feeling like I really belong anywhere?! is this crazy or is this normal? I would love to be able to connect with someone who is in a situation similar to me.. ....

#2 RainbowsPromise

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Posted 18 November 2011 - 10:49 PM

Sorry for your losses. I feel for you, for sure... I think really you shouldn't look at this site as a "what box do I fit into" but rather a place to share and learn and celebrate BFPs, commissurate with BFNs, and accept the support you'll receive with the losses. Why put a label on it?

I know my clinic (RFP) has a repeat pregnancy loss clinic where people go to find out why they are repeatedly m/c. Perhaps you could check if your clinic has something like that? For sure get your thyroid checked but also look into taking kelp which is a thyroid booster (as long as you aren't diagnosed hypothyroid). The thing is, the regular thyroid blood work doesn't check all the thyroid values so while your thyroid might look normal on the surface, it may be slightly subclinical but unless all 6 thyroid tests are done, you'll never know. I have a normal thyroid per blood work but I've been taking kelp for years and find even that my energy level is better on it than off. I'd also recommend you find a traditional Chinese medicine acupuncturist who specializes in fertility. I was seeing one and she recommended an herb (Tang Kuei and Peony) that is meant to prevent m/c (it doesn't if there are chromosomal abnormalities, of course, but for just about any other reason, it can definitely prevent it). I've done a lot of research on it and am comfortable taking it in the early days, once you get a positive. It's something that's given to women in Asian and has been for centuries.

Anyways, hope you find somewhere that you're comfortable. I think you'll find most of us are in limbo on this site, either before treatment, between treatments, or having to accept the end of treatment and where to go from there.
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Me 42 DH 44 Married since 2005 and have been TTC the whole time.One adoption revocation through the AB govt (son taken back by birth family after 6 days)Multiple failed clomid cyclesMultiple failed home IUI cycles.Two failed IVF cycles (didn't get to retrieval).Pursuit of donor embryos through direct donation.FET with direct donor embryos in Nov 2010 resulted in a BFP!Jan 2011- both empty sacs and m/c has begun. June 2011- Second donor embryo cycle (anonymous donor). BFN.Oct 2011- Third donor embryo cycle (anonymous donor). BFN.Nov 2011- Pursuing private adoption through Christian Adoption Services.May 2012- Officially on the waiting list for CAS.See "About Me" page for specifics on our journey and continued updates.Believing that God WILL answer our prayers for children! He is the one who placed the desire for children in our hearts so we trust that it will happen.... in His time. The message that keeps coming is from Psalm 37:7 "Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him". December 2013- God has answered our prayers in a way we truly didn't think was possible- we brought home a little boy and survived the 10-day waiting period, lol. To Him be the glory- the testimony of this little one is amazing!

#3 hopeful123

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Posted 19 November 2011 - 09:01 PM

Hi there sorry to know about your losses
I agree with rainbow promise ,couldn't have said it better
me:33 ,dh:30
3 natural m/c dec 99, mar 01,oct 07
clomid x1 -ohss
lap x 1 apr/05-endomet left tube blocked,half of left ovary resected
1st ivf cycle nov/05 developed mild ohss again
DEC 2ND/05 BFP u/s small sac slow heart beat small fetus misscariage at 9 weeks 1 day
fet may 06 -cancelled due to very rare -sub acute viral thyroiditis
fet oct 20-bfp ,beta 700 on nov 1 ,1700 on nov 3,3900 on nov 5 u/s 2 small sacs ,slow heart beat small fetuses m/c nov 23/06 ,day of our 9th wedding annivrsay
1 blast still frozen
IVF#2 july 07 7 BLASTS FROZEN 2 normal 2 have trisomies 3 not tested less than 6 cell on day 3 fet oct 25/07,transferred 2 instead of one ...oops
1st beta nov 2 bfp (again) 23,2nd beta 83 ,3rd beta 371 u/s nov 21 hb 118 bpm
beautiful baby boy Nayal born via planned c-section on july 3rd 2008 @ 12:35 pm

#4 Elana

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Posted 01 December 2011 - 12:15 AM

Dear Ambyk,

I am sorry that you've had such a long haul...how frustrating and discouraging for you to deal with these multiple disappointments!

I think that what this site has to offer is the shared experience of these very emotions: frustration, loss, longing and anxiety. The medical details, treatment protocols, etc. are certainly an important element of the dialogue on this forum, but what really connects members to one another is the solidarity of having a circuitous and sometimes agonising road to conception. I urge you to reach out to others on the basis of the emotions, experiences and coping strategies that you live with on a day to day basis.

Take care,

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Elana Sures, M.Ed., RCC
Individual & Relationship Counsellor
Specializing in Infertility

#5 DesignerBug

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Posted 20 December 2011 - 09:31 PM

Please excuse the delay in responding, but I didn't want to pass by without responding.

You are absolutely right in your observation that the majority of people here are actively using ART to help them conceive. To be quite honest, it's pretty rare in communities such as this for someone like you who has been trying for so long, not to be actively doing ART, then to finally have two ++ in one year followed by two losses. However, really, each of our stories makes us unique and it's the lessons we learn and the experiences we each have that allow us to contribute, to relate and to build relationships in this community.

There will always be someone who won't be able to understand why you or I, or someone else is here. They won't be able to relate and they won't be able to see past your ability to conceive. The hope however is that they will keep to themselves and that you will find the support that you need not for your inability to conceive, but for the repeated losses you've experienced, the years of effort, the sorrow and the frustration that you've experienced.

I am a firm believer that we can often be too quick to rush into IVF because of our emotional state and our strong desire to do something, anything that can help us achieve our dreams. I completely respect your choice to delay treatment and not to rush forth with ART until you have some answers, which hopefully will be easier to find with the sacrifices you've made.

Wishing you much success and some answers

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TTC#1 April 2003 - Jan 2009
9 IUIs, 12 months Fermara, 4 months Clomid, 5 rounds of injectable, 1 LAP, 1 HSG, 2 Uterine Biopsies, 1 Postcoital, 1 IVF, 2 FETs... 2nd Fesh Cycle IVF - ++Beta 110!

TTC#2 - Dreams coming true... Surprise BFP Au Naturel! Never really started trying, but never gave up hope on dreams coming true. 20w2, after 6 days of strict bedrest, we lost our baby boy, Emmett to my incompetent cervix and he was born sleeping. 24cm long, 0.67lbs he was the most perfect little angel and has brought with him many lessons for us to remember him by.

Lightening strikes twice apparently>>>> May 24 ++HPT, Followed by ++Beta. Numbers are low, but doubling. EDD Feb1/2013 ~ Baby Boy arrived 5 weeks early in under 2hrs. Left me with 4th degree tears. 2 years later, still pending reconstructive surgery :( In that time hubby had a vasectomy. Never thought we'd have a chance to take fertility into our own hands