[Loopy]

Today is really the first time that I got the feeling of some negativity towards having a child conceived via IVF.
Obviously to me, and other members of this site, the thought is utterly ridiculous. We are so grateful to have been giving our miracle babies, how could anyone think negatively of them.

But I was reminded today that others can have a different opinion.
I remember before I knew I would be considering IVF having someone talk to me about someone else who had a "test tube baby". She was talking very negatively about it, like there was something wrong with them, then she was going how about how their 2 kids looked so different, so they mustn't be the fathers. Little does she know that person actually had IUI's done, not IVF.

Well this person, along with someone else made some comments about my daughters hair (I blogged about the details on my blog), and was hinting at the idea of her not being my husbands. This has really hit a nerve me for some reason, even though I know she is his. My DH is right in saying, who cares what they think. We know she is ours, and we are all that matters.

So now it got me thinking, since we have been so open about conceiving via IVF. Will anyone make comments to her when she is older, or think negatively of her simply because we had her via IVF? I think I just want to protect her from other peoples rudeness.

Am I being stupid in this feeling, or has anyone else had any similar feelings/experiences.

[gottahavefaith]

You're not stupid or alone in thinking this way. I always think about how my daughter would be perceived if most people knew how she was conceived but only our close family know. I sometimes wonder if I would even tell her when she got older...its awful to think what we go through to have these miracles only to be judged. Ignorance is to be ignored.

[Sapphire]

My SIL has always been very open about the fact that 2 of her 3 children were conceived through IVF. I've never asked if she has had negative reactions, but am so grateful for her openness as it made it so much easier for us to face doing IVF when we found out IVF was our only option.

[Ope]

Given this weird noisy person is a man who implies repeatedly that other children fathers are not the husband of the mothers speaks about his own insecurity.
I can understand comments or implying that IVF babies somehow different/weird or even abnormal. I had those comments, not in a mean way, but when ds shows some not average grow/development pattern some friend asked me if it is because he is an IVF baby. It is stupid comment, but at least I see the logic behind it.
Implying the father is not the husband doesn't make any sense to me. If anything it ensures it is.I think if this guy has children, some deep down he has doubt of his own biological connection.

If I were you or in dh place, i would find a situation where I can make a comment on it. Something like: the good thing about she being an IVF baby that at least your dh can know for sure she is his child.While other man just only can hope that their wives didn't have a little something going on the side
or even better you can dig out some statistic from the web about this.

I know in Alberta because the father is never 100% sure , they do not pay rh factor test for fathers. ( If a mom rh-, and baby is rh+, which only can be if dad is rh+ mom needs a rhogan shot.They could easily eliminate the need of the shot with testing the dad, but fatherhood is never certain, so they don't test they just give the rhogan shot )

[~*Megan*~]

Some people are SO RUDE...
If it was not for IVF you would not have your beautiful miracle baby girl

[bal]

Hi,
I have been thinking about this in the past few days! A lot...

I also have been very open about doing IVF. Mostly because so many people need the information and maybe that little last push to go for it, and because to me it just seems natural, maybe? This is how we conceive... So all of my friends know.

My DD is very smart. I was thinking the other day how some people could think it was because of IVF, that somehow she's an "engineered" child. That maybe other people could regard her as being different is starting to bother me.

I think I should stop being so open about this. I don't want people to look at her and only see "the test tube baby". Isn't that stupid?

But I do realize that all of us going through IF (IUI, IVF, FET, etc) are so used to the terms, the ER, ET, freezing, embies, blasts, shots, pills, patches, surges, bfn and finally bfp, that we might tend to think that the rest of humanity (fertiles) understand us. I don't think they really do. Some may sound like they do, but maybe they're just trying to be nice? Does it really seem to them as natural as it seems to us? The poking and the "retrieval of eggs" "fertilization" "transfer" and "freezing"? It must seem to them as something out of a movie...

I'm blabbing! Still a lot to think about, and not much to do, since I already told everyone!!!

Still blabbing... maybe I won't stop telling people. I'm just sooo proud of my baby (and the other to come) that I just can't shut up about it, and if I help someone in the process, better yet!

[cjdr]

When I was pregnant with ds I actually had a guy go off in front of me about how fertility treatments are un-natural, and not gods way. I almost punched him in the mouth!! My friend that I was with actually flipped on him (she knew what we went through, and this guy didn't he was just talking...I think it was about octo mom or something), but my friend really let him have it!

My sil said "wow thats a romantic way to concieve a baby, lay down, spread your legs, and let the nurse do her best. Your husband doesn't even have to be there" Yes thanks, I already feel horrible about, thanks for pointing it out.....

And another one that I got all the time (and am getting again) is you need to be so thankful its not twins, or your so lucky its not twins....Ok I understand twins are hard, but does that mean that people with twins are unlucky? I'd say they were twice as blessed!! And I'd say they are double thankful....that one bugs me!

I think most of these comments are from people that dont understand what is involved in IF and treatments, and they have their heads filled with all the negitivity thats out there right now. Either way this time around we chose not to tell anyone that we were doing iui's, because I didn't want to hear all the comments. I really dont need anyone elses opinion this time....Thats why this site is so great, I can talk to people who truly understand and dont look at my ds differently!

[Browneyedgirl]

I had a friend's husband announce that a child concieved through ART is not a child concieved of love. On the contrary I told him, this child was SO loved that mom injected herself with tons of needles, had a big long needle poked into our vaginal walls and then into our ovaries. I suffered through OHSS and my husband did his part too. I even asked the embryologist to play some romantic music and have some wine on hand. Anyways, I digress...lol. I think our kids are concieved of more love, given what we went through to be sure to get them here. People are idiots! Plain and simple. lol

[Tina37]

Idiots is right!!

Who cares how the were conceived..They are a precious life!

[Loopy]

Aww, thanks so much ladies!!! It's good to know I'm not alone.

But Geez, sure are some insensitive people out there eh?

[tannikka]

One of the only comments I really get, and this could be that they were premmie, is that when people see the boys I always get "gee, they are so healthy." It always stops me short. Umm, yes they are healthy. What did you expect?

[tabby]

On the other side, I told my doula that I was carrying an ivf baby as a preamble to talking about trusting or not trusting my body in childbirth and as soon as the words were out of my mouth she said, "Aw, so he's very wanted." What a great reaction!


I don't care what people think of me for using ivf but I do worry about what people will say to my son later on. Hopefully it will be normal and accepted by the time he or his friends are able to understand. The thing is that ivf has been around since the seventies and yet I've only ever heard of ivf babies, not any older children or teens. I work with hundreds of teenagers - shouldn't I have heard someone say they were a test tube baby by now?

[Aja]

I am incredibly open about it with anyone who asks as well as with my son (as is age appropriate). Since most of these idiotic comments come from ignorance, it is my great wish that by sharing and getting the word out there more, the stigma will dissipate.

I'm not ashamed and I sure don't want my son to be. Therefore, the comments cannot hurt us.

[Edie]

i know two twenty-year old ivf babies. Twins. Dazzling wonderful young people out there rocking the world. There are around three million ivf babies around the world at this point. And judging from this board, about to be a whole lot more!

[FuzzyFur]

I agree Aja - I KNOW there are WAY more IVF/ART babies out there than people are willing to talk about (hello Celebraties - ie JLo.) As you say, comments are just that, comments. Most often from ignorant people - so we educate the people who are willing to listen and ignore those who chose to live in their little cave.

The way the world is going and all of the toxic things around us that are causing Male & Female infertility you never know (and I would hate it if it came true) but someday IVF/ART may be the norm.

Jen

[Rosa]

I would ignore their comments.

I have gotten mostly gotten uninformed comments. People don't understand the process. When I was pregnant the question was always "aren't you carrying twins, doesn't everybody who does IVF get multiples?".

I have to say I described the process to many people and they were genuinely surprised at how difficult it was.

[gibasgirl]

Whoa, some people are pretty unbelievably insensitive and catty. I think Ope is onto something & Mr. Busyody probably has doubts about the paternity of his children. My DH was blonde as a child and both of his parents have dark hair. I know a lot of people who were blonde/light-haired toddlers and then the hair grows in darker as they get older. Some people.

Louise Brown is the world's first IVF baby (born 25 July 1978) and she became a mother (naturally) in 2006.
http://en.wikipedia....ki/Louise_Brown

[hotmamaoftwins]

One of my aunts went through IVF before me and she was 40 at the time...My grandmother made a comment when my little cousin was born "see how cute he is, would you think he was made in a test tube?" So I took my grandma in a room and I said that she shouldn't say things like that as they are offensive. She said she didn't mean anything with that comment. So now it's my turn and I was suffering MS and I was talking to my Aunt about it and we were relating stories and my grandma was there too, and she went "so you guys feel pregnant too?" It was an innocent comment that both me and my Aunt cracked up so much. I asked her, what she meant, she said , "I was just wondering if you guys REALLY feel pregnant."So I explained to her the IVF procedure. That everything is REAL except no sex! I told her how the sperm and the egg procedure and she said, "oh is that how it is?" Oh grandma! I'm very close to my grandma but sometimes she makes me scratch my head.I think its because back in the day they just turn off the lights and boom! they get pregnant...

There are some people that really just don't know and they don't know how to react and then there are those who are stupidly ignorant. I swear if I hear someone say anything negative to my babies about being test tube babies, they will get it!

[hoping_it_will]

HM: LMAO.....

Very few people know how DD & DS were conceived. I was and am NOT ashamed of it, but i feel it is necessary to PROTECT them from unjust and ignroant comments wbout their 'identity'. Only family and a couple of close freinds know. I would never DREAM of telling my coworkers, or other people (only b/c I work with a bunch of weirdos). People in the end can be VERY nosy, & judgemental. I just don't have the temperment to deal with it, and would probably breathe fire down their necks....so I just keep my mouth shut. When people ask if I used ART...I evade the question, and since twins DO run in the family...it is easy to answer that question.

When my kids are old enough to understand we will tell them. I also am not sure if when our kids are older they would wish for me to blab how they were conceived? I will leave it in their hands when they are old enough to tell whom they choose. For us, it's all about privacy. The people who are important know...others..need not at this stage.

[bridgeypie]

Having triplets concieved through ART I know EVERY FRIGGEN day when I wake up if I leave the house AT LEAST 2 people will say "are they natural".. And it bugs me too loopy -

Right now it's not a big deal because the trio doesn't understand speech - obviously ..lol - but when their 3-4 and they start to understand I dont want strangers coming up saying "are they natural"... rugh that makes me want to PUKE!.. DH and I have talked a lot about this - and we've now decided not that we dont want to share our journey with people but we're not longer says yes they are from IVF - we say "yes their natural" ( oh that natural word just makes me feel sick)... we want to be able to explain to our children how much they were wanted and how hard mommy and daddy worked for YEARS trying to conceive them, most babies are born by accident, these babies were very much on purpose. Anyways I'm ranting lol.. People are idiots.

Just a funny story for cjdr because we have triplets we allllwayss get the "oh my god poor you"....Anyways a friend of mine with triplets was in the store and she was pushing her stroller and a mommy with her son in her stroller came up to her and said ... "are they all yours" (everyone asks this..?! NO I'm a baby snatcher RUN...lol .. ok jk) anyways she says are they all yours...which she replies yes they are... And the mom with her singleton says the obvious "oh poor you".. So the mom says - is that your son in the stroller?...The mommy proudly says yes - to which she replies --ohhhhh poor you!

I LOVED IT! lol

[hoping_it_will]

bridgeypie, on 14 April 2010 - 02:57 PM, said:

Just a funny story for cjdr because we have triplets we allllwayss get the "oh my god poor you"....Anyways a friend of mine with triplets was in the store and she was pushing her stroller and a mommy with her son in her stroller came up to her and said ... "are they all yours" (everyone asks this..?! NO I'm a baby snatcher RUN...lol .. ok jk) anyways she says are they all yours...which she replies yes they are... And the mom with her singleton says the obvious "oh poor you".. So the mom says - is that your son in the stroller?...The mommy proudly says yes - to which she replies --ohhhhh poor you!

I LOVED IT! lol

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!

Love it! With twins I got "Oh poor you"...from a loser co-worker...I almost decked them.... When strangers say "oh wow twins"....I kind of nod and say "yes they are"...and run away b4 they can pester for more question....or worse yet,,,try to TOUCH them! LMAO! BP....I hear yah! Good for YOU to say what you do...b/c honestly they are 100% NATURAL. No polyester here! So stupid. You friggen delivered them! What a stupid stupid question!

Ahhhhh you just have to laugh!

[Ope]

bridgeypie, on 14 April 2010 - 12:57 PM, said:

Having triplets concieved through ART I know EVERY FRIGGEN day when I wake up if I leave the house AT LEAST 2 people will say "are they natural".. And it bugs me too loopy -

Right now it's not a big deal because the trio doesn't understand speech - obviously ..lol - but when their 3-4 and they start to understand I dont want strangers coming up saying "are they natural"... rugh that makes me want to PUKE!.. DH and I have talked a lot about this - and we've now decided not that we dont want to share our journey with people but we're not longer says yes they are from IVF - we say "yes their natural" ( oh that natural word just makes me feel sick)... we want to be able to explain to our children how much they were wanted and how hard mommy and daddy worked for YEARS trying to conceive them, most babies are born by accident, these babies were very much on purpose. Anyways I'm ranting lol.. People are idiots.

Just a funny story for cjdr because we have triplets we allllwayss get the "oh my god poor you"....Anyways a friend of mine with triplets was in the store and she was pushing her stroller and a mommy with her son in her stroller came up to her and said ... "are they all yours" (everyone asks this..?! NO I'm a baby snatcher RUN...lol .. ok jk) anyways she says are they all yours...which she replies yes they are... And the mom with her singleton says the obvious "oh poor you".. So the mom says - is that your son in the stroller?...The mommy proudly says yes - to which she replies --ohhhhh poor you!

I LOVED IT! lol

I don't think the" are they all yours?" and the "poor you " type of questions are rude. First of all there are many mommies run day homes and take 1 or 2 more kids in to make some income. I women out in the playground with 4 kids not necessarily means all of them hers.
Also i think the "poor you " should be interpreted as rudeness. Although every child is blessing ,but come on, don't tell me you never wished to have these babies one at a time instead having them all at SAME time. I only have a singleton baby and it is/was tiring at the beginning. I have many friends with twins, and I see that is how much more difficult to deal with that many feeding/diaper change. Honestly i can not even imagine how you dealt with 3 at the same time without a full time help. i do not think i would able to do that.

[hotmamaoftwins]

Ope I get what your saying with the "Are they all yours" question but followed by "poor you" is rudeness to the nth degree...There's a lot of ways of saying how tough it is to handle or take care of a baby,much more babies but "poor you" is definitely not one of them. You could say things like"wow! how do you handle two or three? I only have a singleton baby and it is/was tiring at the beginning. I have many friends with twins, and I see that is how much more difficult to deal with that many feeding/diaper change. Honestly I can not even imagine how you dealt with 3 at the same time without a full time help. I do not think I would able to do that."is not rude. And on the "Although every child is blessing ,but come on, don't tell me you never wished to have these babies one at a time instead having them all at SAME time."--I don't know about the other moms of multiples but I can almost guarantee it that most of them would agree that we wouldn't have it any other way.

[hotmamaoftwins]

Here's my answer to the are they natural question. "No they're not. I bought them from a cloning factory so they could come with warranty and I could return them for a full refund a&*hole."

[Browneyedgirl]

The other day a census lady came ot the door. When she learned we have twins, she said "poor mom!" Excuse me? I'm blessed!! I would never want to have the twins seperately, I love them both so much and that they're here at the same time is so much fun!!!!