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Advice Needed

Posted by Becky , 02 August 2012 · 1,228 views

Help , I need some advice ......I know this shoudl not be bothering me like it is but my SIL just announced that is is expecting again, now things like this usually do not faze me nor am I one of those people that get over excited about pregnancy announcements anyway , but there are A LOT of past issues with this girl , my DH and I already have a consent struggle with trying to get his parents involved with our kids , where her's take up majority of their time. I try to get them to spend time with our guys but she always seems to show up and let her kids take the attention away , and not to mention the financial part of it , she cannot afford anything let alone the 2 kids she has and if it wasn'y for DH and I they would have nothing for xmas and there has been times where I have to do up care packages so they have more then ketchup in their fridge , her and her boyfriend have put my inlaws in debt to the point where the bank will not give them any more lines of credit , its just a sad situation , now the worse part is that she knows what y DH and went through before we were blessed with our twins , ( the surgeries, the pills, and IVF) also she knows the cost assoicated with all this , but everytime she is in the same room with me she feels like she has to remind me that she was only off BC for a month and she is already pregnant ( good for you , idiot) and then continues on with how much fun it would be if we were pregnant together and how my hubby and I should get pregnant ( but she knows what we have too do ) its just so much emotional stress and I am to the point where I want to cut ties , I know it doesnt sound like a lot of issues but there is not enough time in the day to write everything , I love my nephews but I don't even want to go to their birthday party this month , we alays have Thanksgiving and Christmas at our house and I want to cancel them , how do you cancel things like this without too much drama ?Any help would be apperciated

That is a tough one. I am sorry you have a fertile-myrtle (my definition of this is someone who sneezes and gets pregnant and loves to talk about how easy it was for them) in your life too (unfortunately they are everywhere!!!) I don't blame you one bit for wanting to cut ties but it sounds like you might be the only great thing in her kids' lives. I don't really have any suggestions on how to cancel drama free other than just saying "this year we are going small, and want to celebrate just the four of us". I hope you are able to find a good way to cancel. Best of luck! Try not to let her get ya down.
Would it go over well if, the next time she says she wants you two to be pregnant together, you responded honestly with something like "you're aware of what it took us to get pregnant the last time, and I'm not prepared at this point to go through it again right now"? Or do you think she'll take that as you being bitchy? Sometimes, although it's hard, honesty can work wonders. You don't have to go into the full thing (ie: how she's irresponsible and can get pregnant so easily and likes to flaunt it) but maybe just giving her a little bit of that could at least shut her up...unless she's utterly clueless. Tough stuff to deal with, those in-laws. My sister-in-law is a bit of a flaunter and at first I took it very personally until I realized that she is actually not doing these things to upset me or hurt me. She was doing it because she is so self absorbed that she doesn't realize that what she is saying might be hurtful (she also knows our struggles). Since I don't see her often, I don't even bother bringing it up as a point of contention. But now, when she does one of her flaunty things, I take a deep breath and IGNORE her. My usual response is "oh yeah" with a smile on my face. It's not like she's actually overly interested in my response anyway, she just wants to get it out and hear herself talk.

Good luck with it, it's tough for sure.
    • gibasgirl likes this
Aug 02 2012 11:30 AM
Hmm, I wonder if she may have low self-esteem, which is why she feels the need to rub it in your face about the things you are not able to achieve because you and your DH have achieved so much more than her in everything else and she has to rely on you for basic necessities that she cannot afford herself. If so, I feel sorry for her to have to do that to make herself feel better. I don't blame you for wanting to cut her out, but family is family and I think it would be hard for me to do it (I wouldn't know though because I haven't been in your position, thank god my BIL and SIL are not like that). Maybe if you think of it this way, it would be easier to deal with her ways? Also, a heart to heart talk might be nice too, just to air things out. Anyway, best of luck however you deal with her!
    • gibasgirl likes this
Wow, are our sisters related? (actually, your SIL, my sister). My sister is very self centered, always needs to be the center of attention. I have found it to be extremely helpful to cut her out of my life, although her kids are still part of it. It sounds very selfish on my part, but I honestly have enough of my own stress that I don't need her to be part of it. My parents have come around to being apart of my own childs life, although we are never going to be "even" financially, as my parents have helped her and doled out to her in a rediculous amount. In the end, it's their money, I am independant, and DH and I pride ourselves that we've made our life what is is, on our own. Yes, family is family, but DH and I are in a much happier, more secure place without her in our lives. Hoping you find peace in which ever road you take.
    • gibasgirl likes this

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