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Do I need Help?

Posted by wngu , 06 February 2012 · 449 views

How would you know if you are going trough depression or the way you feel is normal? 6 days have passed since I got the news that my beta was not doubling. After one M/C I really did not expect this to happen to me again. I have been feeling down for the past few days and nothing is helping to make me feel better. I can’t be positive or strong. I am not interested in seeing anyone or talking to anyone specially the ones that have kids. There is nothing in this world that can give me that push to help me get out of this cycle. I go through hours of deep sadness and even crying does not heal the pain inside me. This sadness is so heavy on my chest that makes breathing hard for me. I use to love having visitors and now I tell everyone we are not available. I use to love my job and now I hate it. I use to be optimistic about future and now I can’t foresee one. I hate my body and my disease. I am mad at my family for being quite after hearing the news and pretending nothing is wrong. I just want to be alone and that worries me. What if infertility pushes me over the cliff? Am I feeling normal? Do I need to seek help?




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Karolinasmommy
Feb 06 2012 12:19 PM
I would suggest to seek help.

Your feelings are normal for someone who has went through what you have. You cannot do this alone.

From my own personal experience, I tried to remain strong and fight through the depression and anxiety. I fought so hard...and it hurt me deeply in the long run. I suffered a loss and ended up spiralling out of control with my own health. I developed chest pains, very similar to heart attack types of feelings. It dibilitated me so that I could not live my normal life.

I wish I never took it that far. I wish I never let my stressful feelings and depressive state control my life to that degree. Since then, I am on anti-anxiety medication and I speak with someone each week. I am happier and healthier. I do not suffer from the chest pain anymore and am learning to cope with my stresses in a new way.

You need to help yourself out before you can move on to try again. You need to heal your broken heart before you will be strong enough to try again.

I hope that you find peace soon and please know there are those of us here who have went through what you have, so if you need to talk to someone who gets it, please do not hesitate to pm any of us. We cannot go through this path alone, we need to find the comfort of each other to break down the barrier of pain that this path brings.

Much love to you and plenty of healing dusts being sent your way to heal that broken heart.
    • Kimmy and wngu like this
OMG TOTALLY normal !!!!!!! after my miscarriages, I thought that I would never heal. I cried daily, didn't want to see friends, It felt as though the pain would never ever go away. I found it hard to eat and sleep, but as time passed I very slowly started to feel myself again. Be patient with yourself as it does take lots of time to heal. I still get very upset thinking about what should have been and it still makes me angry every day that I still dont have a baby and everyone around me does, Your feelings are normal!!! It sucks just know that you are not alone!!!! Big hugs.
    • wngu likes this
I think it is common to be sad but if you are feeling desperate I would seek help for sure. Wishing you much strength.
    • wngu likes this
Talk to someone, it helps, I believe. It is absolutely normal but you don't want it gets deep and affect your life and your health.
    • wngu likes this
I agree that it is normal to feel how you are feeling right now. I have found that the initial emotions are like this. You may feel like this for a while but it will get better. The first time I m/c I went to bed and cried all day, after that it got a little bit easier each time since I was more prepared but it still hurt bad. The last time was tough and I took about 2 weeks off work to heal. Then after DH and I had decided to quit trying I started to get depressed, like bad, I could feel it taking over and I was crying hysterically every day. At that point I knew it was bad and I felt that I wouldn't be able to get out of it if I left it any longer so I went to a fertility counsellor. She reminded me that many of the drugs and hormones of my last cycle were potentially making things worse and we talked about moving forward. I really feel like I would have continued to spiral downward if I hadn't done that.
I think you are still in early stages of your grief and in a way you need to let the emotions out, even if that means crying all day. It will get better. What you are feeling is normal.

If you want to talk more you can pm me.
    • wngu likes this
Completely normal. A miscarriage is particularly devastating when you've been trying so hard to conceive, and on top of that, you've also got all sorts of hormones floating around your body. Don't be too hard on yourself. Give yourself some time to grieve. But if it hurts too much, also don't be afraid to see a counsellor or ask your doctor for anti-depressants.
    • michelleo likes this
I feel the same for long, long time after my 8 week miscarrage. Over a year passed, we went through unsuccessfull IVF and unsucessfull FET. BUt nothing hurt me more than that miscarrage over a year ago. It takes time to heel our wounds. I have change since ... I live in my own world of sadness ... Still... But it is getting better
    • wngu likes this
It hasn't been that long, don't be so hard on yourself. Yes you seem depressed, but give it some time. After everything you have been through, its to be expected, completely. Take some time off if you can, find someone you can talk to (a fertility therapist might help), but allow yourself time to process it all. In time you will heal and move forward. I'm really sorry to hear you have to go through this, its really so unfair. (hugs)
    • wngu likes this
The greatest help for me has been knowing that I'm not alone despite how it feels in my day to day life. Try talking to someone, but be careful who it is, make sure it's someone who can handle the situation appropriately, maybe your doctor can refer you to someone?

Good luck.
    • wngu likes this
Thank you so very much for all the kind words :). You all have been my shoulder to cry and that has helped me tremendously. I am moving along slowly. I have just learned of my poor egg quality, adding another spice to my pot of worries. Many “what ifs” cross my mind and having answers for it is tough. I wish it all be a bad dream and maybe one day I will get up and my baby is lying next to me :) (One can only hope). PCOS, I hate you with passion but will not let you take over my life…….I will fight you to the end
    • Iman77 likes this

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