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Apprehension for my Third IVF/ICSI, 4th overall cycle

Posted by nextchapter , 02 April 2012 · 816 views

I can't believe I'm here!!! It's soo frusterating, disappointing, sad, oh soo shitty to bere here now. When I think about my IF journey I get upset, then I cry, then become hopeless, but then change it and become hopeful and then back to feeling all sad about it. I mean I've excepted we need ART to get pregnant. I haven't accepted that it's taking us this long and I'm afraid we'll be spending our life savings when this is all said and done.

In my last blog post I talked about what my RE wants to do with us..he calls us his frusterating case..I don't blame him..he must rack his brain as to why we haven't conceived yet. He decided to do some more blood testing for recurrent pregnancy loss which all turned out NORMAL...as I suspected. Now he wants to do a uterine lining biopsy which I also suspect will be NORMAL..and finally a hysterscopy to "jar things up" as he stated. He also wants to transfer 3 embryos.

Today I am on day 3 and will be starting my BCP. Here we go again. Lupron will come next in a few weeks and then off to probably 300 IU Gonal-F and 150 IU Menopur to make my follicles grow.

How many more cycles will we have to do? I have apprehension for this cycle because it's like "this is it"--I mean what more can my RE do? What more tests or procedures can my RE do? He did suggest a blood thinner after the transfer but I assume that is if we find some clotting issues, which as I mentioned in my post, I doubt he will find. My DH and I will continue to do cycle after cycle after cycle after cycle if it means renting a crappy 1 bedroom apartment, having no fur babies, staying in on the weekends, having one car instead of two, home cooking instead of restaurant food and saving instead of spending. We can do it and we have and we will continue to place ourselves in this situation so that we can have the family we want. It's hard because there's lots of women out that that have their own place, a support system online and offline, animals etc..and probably not making IVF their focus..But we aren't there yet. I'm not ready to settle. We ultimately want to move back to Ontario so we are ONLY staying in Vancouver for IVF. Down the road we will make the decision to live our life (if we can afford it) and move to Ontario and switch clinics but that will be much later..years later..

I don't want a pity party for me. We are all wanting the same thing and this is a great support system for us. I get encouraged when I see BFP's. I'm sure baby dust will come my way. I just need a big ol' net to catch it :-)




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ladylazarus
Apr 02 2012 11:35 PM
I probably didn't spend as much as some ladies have (I think, all said and done, about $30,000 US). I'm self-employed with DH, so we don't have a more secure income and the last two years were really tough. The money caused such anxiety for me. I worked so hard to save it and watching it go was very, very difficult. I wasn't ready to settle, either. I had some very wise supporters tell me when I was so scared to start that final IVF, "you can make the money back". And you know what, they were right. I'm still climbing out of the hole after finally having success, but it's getting better all the time. I'm motivated and hopeful that I can. In fact, I care as little about my material possessions as I ever have. I think it's fantastic to do with less if it means pursuing your dream. It's your DH that really matters and your health, the sun on your face, a little luxury now and then, a good book or enjoying the company of good friends. So much of what we're told we need is really just window dressing. I really hope this next cycle you are embarking on is golden.
    • batty33 and Kimmy like this
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WestCoastKatie
Apr 03 2012 06:46 PM
We are also in Vancouver for our current cycle (our donor is here), and are soon going back to Ontario.

In the meanwhile, enjoy Vancouver while we win that Stanley Cup !!!!
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nextchapter
Apr 03 2012 07:42 PM
Yeah, thanks West coast kaite..i've lived in Vancouver for past a decade, but we moved to Ontario to get married and start our life..but had to move back to Van and now we are waiting to go back to Ontario..
I hope we get preggo this year!! good luck to you too!
Given that I have lost 3 kids and its painful to say but have you thought about using donor eggs or both donor eggs and a surrogate? we have a one shot deal and where going to cancun and spendingabout 10,000 all together with surrogate to get pregnant. Were using our eggs this time but i understand your pain its always that fear you finally get pregnant and what happens if you loose it? Atleast this way you will have a baby in your arms in ten months. look on surrro moms(google it)and look for a surrogant its how i found mine Posted Image

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