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Stalked by Infertility

Posted by Iman77 , 21 July 2011 · 1022 views

Infertility has been a creepy, perverted stalker for a decade now, relentless and cruel.

I just turned 34 two days ago and the day before that we celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. I was trying to see the positives, what I have as opposed to what I do not and prepare myself for our third IVF attempt next month. I was scheduled for the practise transfer, sonohysterogram and IVF orientation next Friday but my period is now 6 days late, so I think that will have to be deferred. I've always had regular cycles so I don't know what to make of this. I can only assume the injectable IUI's have affected my regularity somehow.

Yesterday I found out my brother who has a 7 month old "oops" baby is now expecting oops baby 2 in 7 months time. In the time that I have had 5 failed IUI's (last year and this year) he has one baby and another on the way. They got married in 2009 and said they wanted to wait a few years before starting a family.

I couldn't sleep last night trying to wrap my head around this news, and digging deep inside to find the happiness that I must project for their next addition. :th_awhopedo:

How can I sleep when my nightmares keep coming true? I feel like death warmed up today.

Can someone help me get a restraining order against Infertility? I'm so sick of the bastard. :icon_exclaim:

leigh14

Jul 21 2011 11:38 AM

I like your analogy about IF being a creepy stalker. So absolutely true. I hope that you get your restraining order against IF and that you will have happy news to share with your family soon. It is hard to deal with pregnancies in your family or with your friends when that is what you want for yourself as well. I can SO relate to this. ((Hugs)) Wishing you happier days ahead.

impatient

Jul 21 2011 01:12 PM

My brother and SIL are expecting too and it sucks, especially since it'll be the first grandchild.

Of course they weren't "trying". They just stopped using contraceptives and what do you know?

It makes me mad that it can be so easy for them and so hard for us, but what really pisses me off is that they now feel guilty about something that they should just feel happy about. Our infertility is taking away from their experience too.

ilvsocr

Jul 21 2011 01:56 PM

Maybe we sould start a feed called "Pregngant Siblings/Close Friends" seems like a lot of us are dealing with the aftermath of an announcement. My SIL just got married in December, was on BC for 17years and got preggers in 2 months of trying and is 9 weeks already. I'm a 2 years into "wanting a baby" (different the getting pregnant naturally in my opinion!) and have just gotten my consultation to "talk" about it.
Your day will come, hang in there. Just take some time to remember all the great things about the last 10 years! I'm sure you can find many events outside of infertility to focus on!

All the best in your journey!

- gibasgirl likes this

Iman77

Jul 21 2011 02:54 PM

Thanks so much Leigh, Impatient and Ilvsocr. It means a lot to talk to people who understand. :grouphug2:

Impatient: My niece born last year was the first grandchild. I felt so guilty about my sadness and devastation. I've just come to love her, and feel ok that they got to have the 1st grandchild after "not trying" for 5 months and now this. My mom always says the stupidest things and when I told her we were doing IVF again she said "Shouldn't you just accept God's will now?". She also gave my niece all my baby clothes she had kept for me someday to give to my daughter. :ouch:

Hmm...sometimes just laying down and not fighting with IF anymore seems so much easier and very tempting.
Grateful hugs to you all.
Ilvsocr: Love the thread idea, let's do it!.

Laura1976

Jul 21 2011 11:41 PM

Iman, I wish that IF didn't make so many things that normally you wouldn't bat an eye at so painful. I hope that your cycle doesn't get cancelled and you do get your sticky BFP.

Happy belated birthday!

Tanyamaree

Jul 22 2011 11:24 AM

i feel the same way and have a HARD time with family pregnacys too. My BIL and his gf at the time got pregnant when they were together for 8 mnths OPPS and then got married last october and every mnth i wait to hear some new that they are pregnant again. i hate it and now my other BIL is getting married this oct 1st and i feel pressure from there to that they will start having babies too. It should be me i know that people even told us that when BiL had their OPPS ahhhhh this world is so cruel sometimes and i just dont under stand

so i am there and COMPLETELY understand what your going though

Tarainlimbo

Jul 25 2011 12:39 AM

your statement is so sadly true: infertility is like a stalker: it sneaks into every corner of our lives and waits and watches and when we think we r having a good day it pounces and digs in! SUCKKKKKKS SO BAD!
my bros gf just had a baby: they were dating 5 months and opps got prego! they announced they oppsey baby 1 week after we lost our baby last fall: i was still crampy and bleeding at the time. it was a long pregnancy for us to listen to! but now that their baby is here i adore him....i am suprised i am coping so well with having baby everything everywhere in our family right now! i do still cry but i can control it and hide it now. life is just so unfair and crazy....why oh why oh why