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How much I don't know yet!

Posted by galfromaway , 26 October 2012 · 1523 views

Last night DH and I went to our first prenatal class - becoming a parent.

As the public health nurse started talking and asking us questions, I realized how much I just don't know yet. I mean I know the basics - I know I want to try to have a natural birth without drugs, and I know I want to breastfeed, and I know I need to reach out to a doula quickly.

But I didn't know you could use breastmilk to deal with a mild eye infection. Or why women end up having c-sections when they have an epidural (how it can slow down labour and cause the baby to get stuck, resulting in a c-section). Or how much I need to be reading up on what to expect when Bean arrives in a few months time.

It's taken me a while to get to the point where I'm comfortable being happy and excited, and able to start looking ahead, thinking about the nursery and baby things we'll need, and planning ways to make sure I get some adult contact while I'm on mat leave. Now I'm realizing just how much I don't yet know. Especially when one of the women in the class knew pretty much everything the public health nurse was talking about, and kept piping up with answers.

So now I'm full of more questions. About breastfeeding. About what I'm going to truly need once Bean arrives. What kind of car seat and stroller we should get. But I don't know what all the questions are yet - I just know they're there.

Well, time to do some learning!

ValleyGirl

Oct 26 2012 08:59 AM

Oh God Gal you're scaring me!!! I decided to opt out of those classes and "wing it" lol!

galfromaway

Oct 26 2012 09:11 AM

Sorry, VG! *laugh* I didn't mean to freak you out! For the most part we are winging it, but figured some info about what to expect with a newborn, as well as the L&D and breastfeeding stuff, would be invaluable. And maybe there are more resources we can tap into in the meantime.

I just like to know stuff and feel prepared. I'm a researcher at heart.

Erin_G

Oct 26 2012 12:15 PM

If you ever watch Modern Family, I loved the line Cam and Mitch's doctor gave them "Babies are designed to survive new parents"
There were a few couples in our prenatal class who had read all the books and knew all the answers. I can tell you those couples are going to completely freak out as soon as something doesn't fit into what the book told them to do. In reality, you ask 20 parents how to do something and you'll get 20 different answers about what worked best for them. You'll need some time to figure out what works for you and your baby so try not to sweat it too much.

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ValleyGirl

Oct 26 2012 02:24 PM

K - I'm registered! LOL - Better not walk in bl;ind I guess right girls?

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silverdollar

Oct 26 2012 03:30 PM

It's totally normal to feel that way. You will figure it out, and yes you will make mistakes, but it's OK that's why babies don't remember their early days. It's impossible to be an expert in everything, especially if you are new at it. I work with infants for a living, but never had to deal with sleeping or feeding until I had my own.

Take the classes, get what you can from it, and most importantly know how/where you can seek help and support in those moments you really need them. The birth is one day of your life, but you'll be caring for a child for the next 20 years. Don't focus too much on learning about the labour and birth, and make a plan if it helps you, but don't get in anyway get attached to it. Things will unfold how they will, and the most important thing is that you walk out of the hospital with a beautiful little bundle. If you are going to spend time reading up, look at breastfeeding resources (Jack Newman's website has some wonderful videos).

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galfromaway

Oct 27 2012 05:57 AM

Thanks, Erin. I like that line from Modern Family.

I don't think I expect to know all of the answers, but there's information that I didn't realize, and wondered if I should have known or found out. Much of things we do will likely be winging it, with some info to go with it, but you're right - it's a matter of figuring out what works for Bean, DH and I.

Silverdollar: Thanks.

I don't think it's possible to be an expert in everything, but I wondered how much background info I should know before Bean arrives. I'll definitely make sure I know who to reach out to for support when I need it. And I'll check out Jack Newman's videos.

leigh14

Oct 27 2012 10:30 PM

It's great to take the classes and do the reading! I did and found it helpful but truthfully I'm learning things day by day as a new mom. This forum is certainly a great place of support and knowledge.

One thing I found is that a birth plan is kind of a blueprint for how you'd like things to go ideally but the reality is that things can change very quickly. I would have preferred to have a natural birth but it just wasn't in the cards for me. I think the key thing is to have a plan in mind but to keep an open mind for what could occur.

It's an exciting time for you and I'm so very happy for you! Good luck!

galfromaway

Oct 29 2012 07:00 AM

Thanks, Leigh.

I've got lots of reading to do I think. And lots of questions to ask folks here as time goes on.

That's what I've heard about birth plans - that it's a framework, but you have to be ok with things changing and not cling to that as gospel. I'm hoping for a natural birth, and am hoping to connect with a doula soon, so we'll see what happens.

So exciting for sure. And so grateful and amazed still.

Curly-K

Oct 29 2012 08:34 AM

I loved taking pre-natal classes and reading all those wonderful books. My husband and I are not new parents and are already pulling out the books again. Our son is 7 so I'm even considering a refresher prenatal class to even consider other birthing options.
Those classes also helped my husband because our son was the first birth experience for him.

Enjoy all the great information your taking in