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Hard to be quiet

Posted by galfromaway , 06 August 2012 · 1,079 views

There are days where I wish I didn't have to be quiet about our little creature. There are days where I would like to shout it from the rooftops that we're pregnant, that we (hopefully!!!) will have a new addition to our family this winter, and it's not another cat! :D My DH is the same way. Do we tell this friend because they're going through a rough time and it'd brighten their day? Do we tell my elderly great aunt and uncle? Do we tell more of our friends?

But we can't yet.

Not yet.

I'm 10w2d along. So far, so good, although there are moments where I wonder if things are really going well in there, even when I'm going through all-day-sickness symptoms, crazy sore breasts (and wow, where did these boobs come from??!!), tiredness, and the odd little twinge but no spotting. Part of me is tempted to ask for another ultrasound just to see what's going on, but part of me hesitates because... do I want to know? Is it not better to think "no news is good news?"

I know the next few weeks will fly by. Bloodwork on Friday, scheduled ultrasound on the 23rd, appointment with our ob/gyn on the 27th. We're farther along now than we've ever been, and I'm feeling pretty good all things considered.

It seems the thoughts I'm having are some of the same ones I wrote about a couple of weeks ago, and the answers still aren't there. The hope and possibility is there, but the undercurrent of uncertainty and concern that things won't go to term make me a little nervous. I don't like that I know so much, and I don't like that I don't seem to know enough yet. And the answers that would reassure me aren't available at this point.

Yesterday I visited my grandparents' grave, and asked them to keep an eye on us, to do what they could to help look after us through this. I asked my other grandparents too (although I couldn't visit their grave, as they're too far away). And I hope they have some way to help.

My belly is slowly starting to change. DH can see the increased curve now, and I feel like it's obvious to people that it's there, even though it's not.

It's also hard not to tell more friends. Me not having a beer when friends are around? That's not like me. We're going to Beerfest this coming Saturday, and I'm going to be relegated to the DD role. Which, again, isn't like me. I think we're going to use a story that DH and I played "rock paper scissors lizard Spock" and I lost. :D But the friends we're most worried about are ones who have been trying to have a family for the last 10+ years, and aren't able to have a biological child. They haven't had their "oops" like we seem to have. And I don't like hiding this from them. But I'm afraid to tell them at the same time. We're still going to wait until the second trimester starts, just like with everyone else.

I'm rambling it seems. :)

Things will fall into place the way they're meant to, I know. I just have to be patient, and look after myself.

Soon you will be able to share Gal, very soon. I'm 16 weeks and I still haven't told people at work and I feel anxiety everytime DH shares our news. You are almost there and I know the next two weeks will both crawl by and fly by at the same time. And then the second tri is right there. You are doing great and I'm sure your friend will be thrilled for you regardless of her situation as I'm sure you have been happy for others who conceived before your miracle. When you do tell, enjoy every minute of it.

Aug 07 2012 09:10 AM
Thanks, Saffy. The second trimester is just about here, which is great - another week and a half or so, and we'll be past the first hurdle. It's so hard not to have anxiety about our pregnancy. It seems to be going well, but part of me is afraid of something happening. But I keep talking to Bean and letting it know how good the world is for them, and how much we want them to be in our family. Hoping that works. :)

Our friends will be thrilled, i know, but I also know our friendship will change a bit until the baby arrives. And I think that's what makes me sad. But yes, I have been thrilled for other friends who have conceived. :)

We're already enjoying every minute of this, even with the all-day-sickness and tiredness and hormonalness. :) So grateful for this opportunity!! It'll be even more fun when more folks know. :)
Just wanted to say that I'm very, very happy for you! The second trimester will be here before you know it. We waited to tell people until that point but it was becoming increasingly hard to hide the pregnancy as my body started changing fast! Keep talking to your babe and visualize good things! :)
Aug 07 2012 11:59 AM
Thanks, Leigh. :) So far I'm not showing all that much - DH can see a little more of a curve lower on my belly, but no one else can notice yet. But I know in the coming weeks it'll become tougher to hide.

I keep talking and telling Bean about the great things in store for him/her, and how excited we are that we have this chance, and that we both need to stay healthy so we can get through all this. :)

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