Wishing, wondering and hoping

Friday we had confirmed what we had hoped - that we really did have a little creature on board! We saw the heart beat, we saw its shape, and it was the most amazing pre-birthday gift we could ever receive! My husband giggles whenever I mention I'm feeling queasy, and he's pouting like crazy because he can't touch my breasts without them hurting. There seems to be a slight curve to my belly that wasn't there before, and I have to consciously not check it every time I use the washroom because it's not growing as fast as I'd like it to.

As excited and amazed as I am, there's a part of me that's nervous. I'm 8w4d along, and I keep sending thoughts to my belly, wishing the fetus to keep its heart beating, to stay around for the long haul. I'm curious to know if anything has changed since Friday.  I want to ask questions of people, but don't know who to ask, or how to ask without sounding paranoid and over-thinking. I felt sicker last week than I do this week - is this normal? But then I'll feel more gross again, and I'll be happy about it because it means (to me) that things are ok in there. Breast tenderness and soreness increases and decreases at different times. Twinges are still happening in my belly, but then I'll go a few days without anything. Is that normal?

My ob/gyn said I can go into the clinic for an ultrasound if I feel concerned at any point before our scheduled ultrasound on Aug 23rd. But I don't want to do that if I can help it, as much as I'd like the reassurance that the little heart is still beating and things still look good for our little creature.

I know there's no right or wrong in all of this... it's all a matter of what we're comfortable with...

And I know that I likely know too much about this whole process after going through two IVF attempts and learning more than I ever needed to know about reproduction and my own anatomy. That probably doesn't help things at all. Neither does knowing how many early miscarriages there are...

I want our creature to stick around. I want it to grow and develop and be healthy and come to us in late February or early March. Our never expected "oops."

And I don't know what I can do to help that happen beyond what I'm doing now - eating well, trying to keep my worry and stress levels as low as I can, thinking good thoughts, and staying active.

I guess I just needed to write this out.

All in all, I'm feeling pretty good beyond nausea and a few twinges. No spotting, no pain, nothing like that. I'm trying to go with the thought of "no news is good news" so to speak - if something was going to go wrong, I'd have symptoms of some sort, right?

So, little one in there, please feel the love we have for you, and grow healthy. You're our amazing surprise, and one that we never expected to have. We'd be shattered to lose you.