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A comment That Does NOT need To Be Said.... Period

Posted by kookacola , 26 August 2012 · 809 views

I thought I'd blog about this because 1. It's bothering me a lot and 2. I need to let it go. I have a cousin and she's adopted a girl and can't post pictures of her on FB. She, my mom and my sister on many occassions including today, have told me NOT to post pictures of the adoptive child on FB. I'm so so sick of this comment coming up over and over again. Mil did that to me recently too, told me "not to say anything' about something SHE herself wasn't suupposed to tell us. WTF, does that mean if we tell her something in secret that she'll say something anyways? Anyways, I know I'm not supposed to post the pictures and I can't seem to get it through anyone's head that they can trust me and to stop bringing that up. I think my sister said it to get a fight started. Dh think I shouldn't "go to war" over something like this. Dh think that it's "human nature' to remind people of things and that I shouldn't bother with it. I've given my family fath value or that what they say is true but unfortunatly it's' not the same way towards me. After the week i've had this was thw last straw it felt like today. I'm working an excess of 100+ hours with no days off for weeks at a time and I'msupposed to be ok with the same remark being said to me over and over again? I feel like I just can't win and much less be trustred. I realize when I was younger I'd said some things I wasn't supposed to, we all have maybe but I"m not that same nieve little girl anymore:9




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galfromaway
Aug 27 2012 07:03 AM
It's tough to get repeated reminders, especially when it feels like they don't trust you by doing that. And it sounds like you're under a lot of stress, working 100+ hrs without a break. That'd make things feel that much worse!

Trust can sometimes take a while to be re-earned when it's been lost, and that may be the case here. Just keep working at it. You may have to take a deep breath and nod if/when they give you the reminder again, and then move on to a new topic of conversation. Something like this really (to me) isn't worth causing a huge fight over.

Hang in there. :)
Having just adopted a child myself, I can completely understand why your family is being so careful about making sure no one posts photos on-line. Until they have final custody, they could lose the child if the wrong people saw the photos.

It IS a comment that needs to be said because many people are so used to posting anything and everything all of the time and wouldn't think twice about taking a quick shot with their phone and hitting 'post'.

I think you should just interpret the warnings as your family feeling anxious and not take it as a personal insult.
    • Vetter, gibasgirl and galfromaway like this
I have two children whom are adopted and I never had this issue.... I was not hiding my children simply because they are adopted anymore then I would if they were my biological.
I dont get it personally..... who are we keeping the images of the children from? If its someone that has a LEGAL right to the child (such as the father for example) then he either had to already be dealt with through the courts or regardless of when he sees the child he can challange the adoption be it 4 weeks or 4 years later.
The only time that am ever cautious is with the school posting pictures on-line or in the newspaper because its a distinguishing fact and then they can locate my child..... not because I am worried about the adoption. I also never got any warnings from CAS about it so I think that if they did its a personal preference from their SW.
    • gibasgirl likes this
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ladylazarus
Aug 27 2012 07:00 PM
If it's really bothering you, I think it's OK to say that you hear the reminder but that you'd appreciate it if you weren't reminded again and that it makes you feel that you aren't trusted. If someone needs to clear the air about trust issues, then let 'em. Then you can remind them that you are trustworthy adult and don't need anymore additional reminders and can respect any requests of this nature that are made of you.

That said, family can really drive you nuts, can't they?
    • gibasgirl likes this
I wouldn't take it to heart, they are just trying to protect their child. I'm sure I drove people nuts when my twins were born "please wash your hands" over and over and over again...but I didn't care who I annoyed and I'm sure visitors left rolling their eyes....but when it comes to your kids sometimes the protectiveness comes out and the person doesn't mean to be annoying they are just looking out for their kids best interest. I totally understand "why" your annoyed but try to just let it roll off your back((((hugs))))
    • jen_goddess likes this

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