Life After Infertility

I'm being sarcastic.  We all know that once infertility hits, it's with you for life, whether your dreams come true or not.

For those of us who haven't rolled the lucky dice, it's holding our hand even tighter.  There's no positive HPT or heartbeat on an ultrasound to mark a transition between life as an infertility patient and life as a former infertility patient.  Instead, there's just a gradual realization that the anger and sadness, while still there, are not as sharp as they once were.  Eventually, counting the days of your menstrual cycle, or googling the word 'infertility', seems less relevant and less interesting than other things in life.

You don't often hear much on this site from those of us who are still not mothers.  Maybe we don't write much because we are aware that those who are starting out might find it depressing to consider that a baby is not the only possible outcome of IVF.  Yes, it IS quite possible to put your heart and soul (as well as your life savings) into fertility treatments and years later still have pretty much exactly what you had when you started (minus the life savings).

Perhaps you also don't hear from us much because when you're not doing fertility treatments, and you're not pregnant, and you don't have kids, there's not too much relevant to say on an infertility website.  There are no pregnancy or baby-related milestones to share.  No birth announcements, no first steps, no first days of school.  The milestones we do have are a little depressing: wedding anniversary (= more than four years of trying to conceive), birthday (= one year closer to menopause).  You get the picture.

DH and I have been trying to adopt for the last two years.  We've been trying to throw ourselves into the world of adoption as much as we can, and we feel excited about the possibility of one day having our spare bedroom turn into a kid's bedroom.  However, we realize that the number of adoptions in BC has declined dramatically over the last few years.  As much as we would like to think of ourselves as ideal candidates, we're aware that there are many, many wonderful people out there who are also waiting.  It might happen for us or it might not.

Life is best lived in the moment, and right now at this moment, we don't have kids, and actually ... for now, that's okay.  Watching my friends with kids has made me appreciate what we do have:  freedom and spare time.  And lately we've been taking advantage of that.  We've been renovating our house.  We've been working lots and trying to save money.  We've been exercising and signing up for crazy races together.  I've been taking random classes just for fun - the latest one is an acting class.  DH and I are best friends.  We talk and spend time together.  We go on dates.  We've got some great summer vacations planned.  And we've discovered that even though it seems like ALL of our friends are having kids (and they are), there are also lots of fun and inspirational people out there who don't, and they are a lot easier to hang out with because they don't need a babysitter.

I want people to know that life after fertility treatments is NOT all bad.  Even if it doesn't work out, you WILL survive and things WILL get easier. The pain does fade and you do adjust. One day you will wake up in the morning and realize that you are excited about life again.