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Sighhhhh...tomorrow was supposed to have been Baby G's due date. I am having mixed emotions right now. I know some ppl will remember and some wont. August 18th wont mean a thing to ALOT of folks. I wonder how big he wouldve been by now or if he wouldve been here already!! I havent been in his room in a long time. I havent looked at his pictures in a longer time. It is devastatingly heartbreaking. I was going to try and organize some kind of memorial service or service project but decided to just be quiet for once!! I will teach my class in the morning and then go about my regular saturday activities. My husband will go to his part-time job and then we will talk and be together when he gets off work. He started crying on the way to work yesterday when we talked about how to handle the 18th. We both agreed that doing our usual activities that we both enjoy would be best for us and that is the way Baby G would have wanted it to be, so he will be smiling down on us tomorrow. I just got a new part-time helper here at work (only been here about 2 weeks) she doesnt know my whole story but somewhere in training I mustve have mentioned to her that the 18th was going to be a tough day for me because she brought me flowers this morning. Sooooo very sweet. I started crying and hugged her. Of course, nobody else around here realizes...which is ok.
I feel sad for Casey-I just read her latest entries. I feel sad for all of us who are childless and want children so bad or have lost children. Its so unfair. Its so cruel.
I managed to get back to church. After a long chat with my bishop, he counseled me to come back. Ive managed to do that for the last 2 sundays but it is very difficult seeing girls that I taught in sunday school when they were 15 (7years ago) and some of them are working on #2 or #3 and I still have none. Its like a knife to the heart.
My classes are going very well and I am enjoying teaching more and more. I have video eval to do in the next week or so and send off and it will be interesting to get the results.
I feel sad for Casey-I just read her latest entries. I feel sad for all of us who are childless and want children so bad or have lost children. Its so unfair. Its so cruel.
I managed to get back to church. After a long chat with my bishop, he counseled me to come back. Ive managed to do that for the last 2 sundays but it is very difficult seeing girls that I taught in sunday school when they were 15 (7years ago) and some of them are working on #2 or #3 and I still have none. Its like a knife to the heart.
My classes are going very well and I am enjoying teaching more and more. I have video eval to do in the next week or so and send off and it will be interesting to get the results.
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