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I know, I know, we could very likely get pregnant if we kept going but we could also very likely go broke. DH and I had a long talk the other night and we decided that short of winning $10,000, we won't be spending any more of our own money on ART. But we will still be parents.
We have completed 8 of the 9 adoption classes and are feeling very positive about taking that road to parenthood.
I have started seeing a naturopath who is reknowned in this area for having great success with infertility (they claim an 80% success rate but I haven't asked them to qualify that). I have heard many success stories from people who have used their clinic so I am taking a leap of faith and although I'm not a huge beleiver in many aspects of TCM, I'm feeling very positive and excited about this part of the journey.
I know some of you will feel that we are giving up too soon but we both agree this is best for us. I felt a weight lift from my shoulders as the decision sank in and even as I processed the repercussions.
I also understand that my ready acceptance of this decision may be in part due to my hope that the naturopath can help. If I don't get pregnant after my treatments with them, I may feel differently. Only time will tell.
For now, we will wait for our homestudy to happen sometime in the next year. We will continue to pay down the line of credit but not so we can just pump it back up again with another $10,000 in medical bills. We will pay it down and it will stay down so when we do become parents, we will be living comfortably and without the stress of stretched finances.
I hate that it came down to money but that is the reality in Canada. We both have good paying jobs and we still had to make this decision for financial reasons. Maybe someday soon I'll feel strong enough to pick up the Public Funding Argument flag again and can go wave it at the policy makers in my province.
Ironically, 2 days after I came to terms with this decision, we received a notice that there was a parcel for us at the post office. We picked it up the next day and it was a backpack full of baby stuff from Nestle because this coming Wed was to be my due date for the baby we lost. I had taken myself off their emailling list months ago (not an easy task!) but apparently that wasn't communicated to all their departments.
We're done with ART but we're not done with our dream to become parents. We will be parents and we will have children. And my DH said the magic words when I was in tears over my frustration with my body and it's betrayal of me: "Stop taking all the blame. This isn't your issue or my issue, it is OUR issue because we are equal partners in this and we're in it together, forever". Love him.
We have completed 8 of the 9 adoption classes and are feeling very positive about taking that road to parenthood.
I have started seeing a naturopath who is reknowned in this area for having great success with infertility (they claim an 80% success rate but I haven't asked them to qualify that). I have heard many success stories from people who have used their clinic so I am taking a leap of faith and although I'm not a huge beleiver in many aspects of TCM, I'm feeling very positive and excited about this part of the journey.
I know some of you will feel that we are giving up too soon but we both agree this is best for us. I felt a weight lift from my shoulders as the decision sank in and even as I processed the repercussions.
I also understand that my ready acceptance of this decision may be in part due to my hope that the naturopath can help. If I don't get pregnant after my treatments with them, I may feel differently. Only time will tell.
For now, we will wait for our homestudy to happen sometime in the next year. We will continue to pay down the line of credit but not so we can just pump it back up again with another $10,000 in medical bills. We will pay it down and it will stay down so when we do become parents, we will be living comfortably and without the stress of stretched finances.
I hate that it came down to money but that is the reality in Canada. We both have good paying jobs and we still had to make this decision for financial reasons. Maybe someday soon I'll feel strong enough to pick up the Public Funding Argument flag again and can go wave it at the policy makers in my province.
Ironically, 2 days after I came to terms with this decision, we received a notice that there was a parcel for us at the post office. We picked it up the next day and it was a backpack full of baby stuff from Nestle because this coming Wed was to be my due date for the baby we lost. I had taken myself off their emailling list months ago (not an easy task!) but apparently that wasn't communicated to all their departments.
We're done with ART but we're not done with our dream to become parents. We will be parents and we will have children. And my DH said the magic words when I was in tears over my frustration with my body and it's betrayal of me: "Stop taking all the blame. This isn't your issue or my issue, it is OUR issue because we are equal partners in this and we're in it together, forever". Love him.
27 Comments On This Entry
mollygirl21
12 March 2010 - 09:37 AM
I forgot to add that while I'm done with IVF, I'm not done with ivf.ca and all of you wonderful women. I still need your support for the rest of this journey even though we've chosen a differnt path than most on here.
brneyedgirl
12 March 2010 - 09:52 AM
I wish you all the best. I know its not an easy decision to make, I also believe that you will have your miracle. 
impatient
12 March 2010 - 09:54 AM
There have been many moments recently where I've wondered if we're just about done too. It's such a hard decision to make.
I'm so happy for you that you're feeling at peace with things. Do you think that maybe the Nestle box was a sign that you've found the right path to your baby?! Good luck with your adoption journey.
I'm so happy for you that you're feeling at peace with things. Do you think that maybe the Nestle box was a sign that you've found the right path to your baby?! Good luck with your adoption journey.
ButterflyKiss
12 March 2010 - 10:00 AM
MG I only have the best wishes for you and hubby and so happy for you both with the road ahead on adoption along with a ND! :)
So sorry about that package coming in the mail. Will be thinking of you on Weds ((((hugs)))
Blessings and love,
BFK
xxx
So sorry about that package coming in the mail. Will be thinking of you on Weds ((((hugs)))
Blessings and love,
BFK
xxx
babatime
12 March 2010 - 10:30 AM
You will be wonderful parents what ever way it will come!!
Love and hugs
Kat
Love and hugs
Kat
LesleyM
12 March 2010 - 11:21 AM
Best wishes to you and your DH. You will be great parents to a child one day!
~*Megan*~
12 March 2010 - 11:32 AM
I am so so so glad to see someone else with my view...and I feel at peace with your entry. DH and I feel the same way. We never even did IVF, we simply can not afford to pay that for a chance, and what happens if it does not work...
I love your quote - We're done with ART but we're not done with our dream to become parents. - SO PERFECT
That is why I said in my blog yesterday, I do not feel like I belong on this site sometimes...just because I never tried IVF, but that does not mean I do not want to be a parent. You and DH will be amazing parents...and you will love your children so much
XO
I love your quote - We're done with ART but we're not done with our dream to become parents. - SO PERFECT
That is why I said in my blog yesterday, I do not feel like I belong on this site sometimes...just because I never tried IVF, but that does not mean I do not want to be a parent. You and DH will be amazing parents...and you will love your children so much
XO
Luckypenny
12 March 2010 - 12:59 PM
I don't think you have "given up". You have "chosen" - you have made a choice that is the best for you and your husband. Its not for anyone else to judge. And it sounds like you are very much at peace with your decision. (((HUGS)))
lulu69
12 March 2010 - 02:31 PM
I admire your strength and courage... if only I could get to the same place!!! Good luck with adoption and look forward to future blogs on your road to parenthood :flowers:
Good Fortune
12 March 2010 - 02:56 PM
Oh my God!
I'm still processing your decision myself!
Wowzers.
I'm still processing your decision myself!
Wowzers.
mollygirl21
12 March 2010 - 03:04 PM
GF - it took me 5 days to even be able to post it on here. Take your time, it'll settle in and you'll know it's the right decision for us 
~*Megan*~
12 March 2010 - 03:50 PM
It comes down to being a parent
That is what I tell people who question our decision in not spending $12,000 for a chance to be pregnant...and we are very happy with our decision, not to say I take the news any easier when I hear a pregnancy announcment...and everyone in entilited to their own opinions, but you need people on your side that will support you and the path you have chosen.
That is what I tell people who question our decision in not spending $12,000 for a chance to be pregnant...and we are very happy with our decision, not to say I take the news any easier when I hear a pregnancy announcment...and everyone in entilited to their own opinions, but you need people on your side that will support you and the path you have chosen.
wishuponastar
12 March 2010 - 04:05 PM
I admire your strength and courage in this matter too...you haven't given up - in fact, you gave it your all and in doing that, discovered another path. This journey has many different endings and you absolutely have to do what's right for your marriage, your future and your life. If adoption is your path, it simply means your baby will grow in your heart instead of your uterus. Either way, it certainly isin't giving up or taking the easy way out - it's following your dreams the way you're meant to. Good luck on the continuation of your journey. The day you find out who your "match" is, will be just like getting that BFP...and I also pray that your Naturopath does the trick too! :Emoticons09780:
mouse
12 March 2010 - 05:24 PM
YAY! MG, so very happy you've found a way forward that feels right, gives you hope, and lifts weight from your shoulders!
Of course things may change - but decisions are right for the time they're made and as circumstances change, decisions may change too.
Glad you're planning to stick around too - can't wait for the updates on your adotion journey.
Of course things may change - but decisions are right for the time they're made and as circumstances change, decisions may change too.
Glad you're planning to stick around too - can't wait for the updates on your adotion journey.
Rosa
12 March 2010 - 06:18 PM
IVF and extensive ART is not for everybody. I'm glad you've made a choice and are at peace with it.
I'm sure that there's a wonderful child out there for you and DH and you 2 will make terrific parents! That child will be very lucky.
I'm sure that there's a wonderful child out there for you and DH and you 2 will make terrific parents! That child will be very lucky.
LisainSK
12 March 2010 - 06:23 PM
Your decision is of at most admiration and respect. It takes alot of courage to proceed with any decision. I wish you the best in your journey to parenthood.
LisainSK
LisainSK
PUPO Journal
Transferred 3 embryos on Saturday June 27, 2009.
3dt: June 27 - ER in the morning, slept for the afternoon and went to the Bon Jovi concert in Moncton that night!
1dp3dt: June 28 - relaxed, was nauseous from the Dostinex
2dp3dt: June 29 - back to work first day since ER. Still nauseous, exhausted (slept 12 hours last night) and a bit crampy.
3dp3dt: June 30 - nauseous, tired. Went to chiropractor for my neck and arm.
5dp3dt: July 2 - nausea is gone, neck still hurts, went to massage today. Slight cramps.
8dp3dt: July 5 - still crampy, woke up with heavy/tight feeling in lower abdomen, starting to breakout on my face
10dp3dt: July 7 - bbs not as sore, cramps have subsided somewhat
11dp3dt: July 8 - woke up with AF like cramps - much stronger than the cramps I've felt all along. Today is 11dp3dt.
12dp3dt: July 9 - not much cramping. Feeling good today 12dp3dt
13dp3dt: July 10 - BFP! Beta 164
20dp3dt: July 17 - beta 1440
3dt: June 27 - ER in the morning, slept for the afternoon and went to the Bon Jovi concert in Moncton that night!
1dp3dt: June 28 - relaxed, was nauseous from the Dostinex
2dp3dt: June 29 - back to work first day since ER. Still nauseous, exhausted (slept 12 hours last night) and a bit crampy.
3dp3dt: June 30 - nauseous, tired. Went to chiropractor for my neck and arm.
5dp3dt: July 2 - nausea is gone, neck still hurts, went to massage today. Slight cramps.
8dp3dt: July 5 - still crampy, woke up with heavy/tight feeling in lower abdomen, starting to breakout on my face
10dp3dt: July 7 - bbs not as sore, cramps have subsided somewhat
11dp3dt: July 8 - woke up with AF like cramps - much stronger than the cramps I've felt all along. Today is 11dp3dt.
12dp3dt: July 9 - not much cramping. Feeling good today 12dp3dt
13dp3dt: July 10 - BFP! Beta 164
20dp3dt: July 17 - beta 1440
IVF#2 Important Dates
May 6, 2009 - CD1
May 15 - uterine biopsy #1 - CD9
May 19 - uterine biopsy #2 - CD13
May 26 - start Suprefact
May 27 - uterine biopsy #3 - CD22
June 3 - AF started
June 10 - down regulation check
June 11 - start injections 375 Bravelle, 75 Repronex
June 12 - both start antibiotics
June 15 - b/w E2 800
June 18 - b/w & u/s E2 5000, 28-34 follicles
June 19 - b/w E2 9000
June 20 - b/w & u/s E2 15,000
June 21 - b/w E2 23,000
June 22 - b/w &u/s, E2 32,000, trigger tonight
June 24 - ER, 23 eggs
June 25 - 15/23 eggs fertilized
June 26 - only 4 viable embryos
June 27 - transferred 3: two 8 cell grade 18, one 6 cell grade 17
July 10 - beta
May 15 - uterine biopsy #1 - CD9
May 19 - uterine biopsy #2 - CD13
May 26 - start Suprefact
May 27 - uterine biopsy #3 - CD22
June 3 - AF started
June 10 - down regulation check
June 11 - start injections 375 Bravelle, 75 Repronex
June 12 - both start antibiotics
June 15 - b/w E2 800
June 18 - b/w & u/s E2 5000, 28-34 follicles
June 19 - b/w E2 9000
June 20 - b/w & u/s E2 15,000
June 21 - b/w E2 23,000
June 22 - b/w &u/s, E2 32,000, trigger tonight
June 24 - ER, 23 eggs
June 25 - 15/23 eggs fertilized
June 26 - only 4 viable embryos
June 27 - transferred 3: two 8 cell grade 18, one 6 cell grade 17
July 10 - beta
IVF#2 Journal
Leading up to IVF#2 - I had 3 uterine biopsies and I think they did something because my period was heavier and longer than ever. It lasted a full 7 days and was heavy for 2 of those. My lining was definitely affected by the biopsies. I have felt very optimistic and hopeful that this will work this time and even if it doesn't I know I will survive. Physically feeling great, no side effects other than a couple hot flashes from the suprefact.
June 10 - Down Regulation check today. Uterine lining very thin, ovaries nice and quiet - the follicles were very small so she was only able to count 5 or 6 on my right, didn't mention how many on the left. She said more will reveal themselves as they get bigger. As usual, it was difficult to see my uterus and left ovary and it took her some time with the wand. Feeling good!
Day 1: June 11 - first injection tonight. Mentally and emotionally still feeling good but physically I'm feeling awful - headache, crampy, gassy, bloated and my hands are icy cold and aching. They started hurting yesterday and got worse today and now they are cold unless they are tucked in under my legs. Injection hurt just like I remember, the pharmicist tells me it's the repronex.
Day 2: June 12 - started antibiotics this morning. The bottle said to take with food but I was late so I skipped breakfast. I felt very sick by the time I got to work, lesson learned. Feeling better today (other than that little episode). Had a little dark brown discharge tonight. Got a great new haircut last night, feeling great!
Day 3: June 13 - Day 3 of injections, nothing to report except that I've developed a few very large pimples. Going shopping today with mil and gmil.
Day 4: June 14 - day 4 and DH hit a vein tonight. Not too bad, just a bit more painful. I don't look when he injects me but he said tonight when I flexed from the pain, it pushed the needle right out! Luckily the medicine was already injected. Feels fine now. I think I have a touch of food poisoning, had some undercooked chicken for supper.
Day 5: June 15 - had my bloodwork done this morning to check my estrogen levels and everything looks good, the nurse said I am responding very well to this dose. This is when they had to increase the dose last time. My level last time was 480 at this point but today I am over 800. Next check up is Thurs for b/w and u/s. Feeling a little bloated and gassy today, still energized and positive though.
Day 7: June 17 - I'm starting to notice my ovaries (could be gas too). I'm a bit bloated and the injection sites are irritated. I feel best in my sweats. Lots of ewcm started today. I'm tired, I find I don't sleep well on the drugs.
Day 8: June 18 - day 8 u/s this morning, uterine lining on track (around 7mm) and 18-22 follicles on right, 10-12 on left (could be more, it hides). All follicles measuring around 10mm. Estrogen level is around 5000. Woohooo!
Day 9: June 19 - day 9 b/w - Estrogen has shot up to 9000. Lowering my dose to 225 bravelle and 75 repronex.June 20 - Estrogen up to 15,000, still lots of follicles measuring 12 - 15 mm, lining 9.5. Lowered dose again to 150 bravelle plus 75 repronex
Day 11: June 21 - E2 23,000, no injection tonight, hope to trigger tomorrow.
Day 12: June 22 - u/s showed 15 -18 follicles on each side, measuring 17-20mms. Trigger tonight, ER Wed June 24. E2 level is 32,000 so I'm at high risk for OHSS but we decided to go for it
Day 13: June 23 - no needles, no tests today. I'm tired, grumpy, nauseous, bbs are sore. ER is tomorrow
Day 14 ER day: June 24 - ER went well, 23 eggs. June 25 - 15/23 eggs fertilized. I'm sore and a bit bloated plus nauseous from dostinex. no sign of OHSS though
Day 16: June 26 - devastating day - only 4 look to be viable, others are severely fragmented. Need to decide on 3day or 5 day tranfser. Leaning toward 5 day. Will meet with dr on day 3 to decide. Best ones are a 4 cell and a 2 cell.
Day 17 3dt: June 27 - met with dr, decided on 3 day transfer. 2 of the embryos took off over night and have become "beautiful" 8 cell embies, graded 18/20 with less than 10% fragmentation. Transferred those plus a 6 cell grade 17 with little fragmentation.
June 10 - Down Regulation check today. Uterine lining very thin, ovaries nice and quiet - the follicles were very small so she was only able to count 5 or 6 on my right, didn't mention how many on the left. She said more will reveal themselves as they get bigger. As usual, it was difficult to see my uterus and left ovary and it took her some time with the wand. Feeling good!
Day 1: June 11 - first injection tonight. Mentally and emotionally still feeling good but physically I'm feeling awful - headache, crampy, gassy, bloated and my hands are icy cold and aching. They started hurting yesterday and got worse today and now they are cold unless they are tucked in under my legs. Injection hurt just like I remember, the pharmicist tells me it's the repronex.
Day 2: June 12 - started antibiotics this morning. The bottle said to take with food but I was late so I skipped breakfast. I felt very sick by the time I got to work, lesson learned. Feeling better today (other than that little episode). Had a little dark brown discharge tonight. Got a great new haircut last night, feeling great!
Day 3: June 13 - Day 3 of injections, nothing to report except that I've developed a few very large pimples. Going shopping today with mil and gmil.
Day 4: June 14 - day 4 and DH hit a vein tonight. Not too bad, just a bit more painful. I don't look when he injects me but he said tonight when I flexed from the pain, it pushed the needle right out! Luckily the medicine was already injected. Feels fine now. I think I have a touch of food poisoning, had some undercooked chicken for supper.
Day 5: June 15 - had my bloodwork done this morning to check my estrogen levels and everything looks good, the nurse said I am responding very well to this dose. This is when they had to increase the dose last time. My level last time was 480 at this point but today I am over 800. Next check up is Thurs for b/w and u/s. Feeling a little bloated and gassy today, still energized and positive though.
Day 7: June 17 - I'm starting to notice my ovaries (could be gas too). I'm a bit bloated and the injection sites are irritated. I feel best in my sweats. Lots of ewcm started today. I'm tired, I find I don't sleep well on the drugs.
Day 8: June 18 - day 8 u/s this morning, uterine lining on track (around 7mm) and 18-22 follicles on right, 10-12 on left (could be more, it hides). All follicles measuring around 10mm. Estrogen level is around 5000. Woohooo!
Day 9: June 19 - day 9 b/w - Estrogen has shot up to 9000. Lowering my dose to 225 bravelle and 75 repronex.June 20 - Estrogen up to 15,000, still lots of follicles measuring 12 - 15 mm, lining 9.5. Lowered dose again to 150 bravelle plus 75 repronex
Day 11: June 21 - E2 23,000, no injection tonight, hope to trigger tomorrow.
Day 12: June 22 - u/s showed 15 -18 follicles on each side, measuring 17-20mms. Trigger tonight, ER Wed June 24. E2 level is 32,000 so I'm at high risk for OHSS but we decided to go for it
Day 13: June 23 - no needles, no tests today. I'm tired, grumpy, nauseous, bbs are sore. ER is tomorrow
Day 14 ER day: June 24 - ER went well, 23 eggs. June 25 - 15/23 eggs fertilized. I'm sore and a bit bloated plus nauseous from dostinex. no sign of OHSS though
Day 16: June 26 - devastating day - only 4 look to be viable, others are severely fragmented. Need to decide on 3day or 5 day tranfser. Leaning toward 5 day. Will meet with dr on day 3 to decide. Best ones are a 4 cell and a 2 cell.
Day 17 3dt: June 27 - met with dr, decided on 3 day transfer. 2 of the embryos took off over night and have become "beautiful" 8 cell embies, graded 18/20 with less than 10% fragmentation. Transferred those plus a 6 cell grade 17 with little fragmentation.
Note to Self:
Read and re-read while PUPO:Enjoy this time of not knowing. Keep hope close to you and do not poas. It will be inconclusive. The best way to spend these 2 weeks is imagining pregnancy and motherhood. Imagine that this has worked and you will soon know for sure - we are pregnant!Keep hope alive until the very last minute, until you go for your beta and know for sure. Keep the dream alive, keep the fantasy alive. Do not give in to your thoughts of poas. Wait for the beta and keep hoping and dreaming.Love, Yourself in saner moments
Favourite Sayings
After climbing a great hill, one only finds there are more hills to climb.I have taken a moment here to rest,to steal a view of the glorious vista that surrounds me and to look back on the distance I have come.But I dare not linger and can only rest a moment,for my long walk has not ended. -Nelson Mandela
It's kind of fun to do the impossible. -Walt Disney
If you live expecting the worst then you will experience even if it doesn't happen and if it does happen, you will have lived it twice. - Michael J Fox
It's kind of fun to do the impossible. -Walt Disney
If you live expecting the worst then you will experience even if it doesn't happen and if it does happen, you will have lived it twice. - Michael J Fox
A little about me
Clinic: AART, Halifax
Treatment History:
began July 2008
Clomid
IUI with ovarian stim
IVF #1 - BFN
IVF #2 - BFP
M/C at 13 weeks on Sept 8, 2009
Feb 2010 - started adoption classes
Mar 2010 - started seeing Naturopath
Mar 2010 - finished PRIDE classes
we're adopting!
Treatment History:
began July 2008
Clomid
IUI with ovarian stim
IVF #1 - BFN
IVF #2 - BFP
M/C at 13 weeks on Sept 8, 2009
Feb 2010 - started adoption classes
Mar 2010 - started seeing Naturopath
Mar 2010 - finished PRIDE classes
we're adopting!
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IVF #2 $$$$
Paid clinic $5,250
Suprefact $35
Repronex (7days) $453
Antibiotics $7Bravelle (7days) $2143
Bravelle (1 day) $315
Repronex (1 day) $74
Bravelle (1 day) $193
Repronex (1 day) $74
Bravelle (1 day) $132
Repronex (1 day) $74
Suprefact $19
HCG Trigger $89
Total so far: $8,858
Suprefact $35
Repronex (7days) $453
Antibiotics $7Bravelle (7days) $2143
Bravelle (1 day) $315
Repronex (1 day) $74
Bravelle (1 day) $193
Repronex (1 day) $74
Bravelle (1 day) $132
Repronex (1 day) $74
Suprefact $19
HCG Trigger $89
Total so far: $8,858
IVF#1
CD1 - January 1, 2009
Jan 21 - started suprefact nasal spray
Feb 4 - down regulation check, good to go
Feb 5 - started injectibles started with 225 units Bravelle increased to 375 untis on day 5 75 units Repronex
Feb 6 - DH and I both started antibiotics
Feb 19 - Egg Retrieval resulted in 7 eggs 5 eggs fertilized
Feb 22 - Day 3 transfer: one 8 cell grade 17 embryo two 6 cell grade 16 embryosBeta scheduled for Friday Mar 6
March 6 - AF arrived, BFN
Jan 21 - started suprefact nasal spray
Feb 4 - down regulation check, good to go
Feb 5 - started injectibles started with 225 units Bravelle increased to 375 untis on day 5 75 units Repronex
Feb 6 - DH and I both started antibiotics
Feb 19 - Egg Retrieval resulted in 7 eggs 5 eggs fertilized
Feb 22 - Day 3 transfer: one 8 cell grade 17 embryo two 6 cell grade 16 embryosBeta scheduled for Friday Mar 6
March 6 - AF arrived, BFN
