Lose, Lose Situation
I read the recent responses from amp77 and want2babies and I was mortified by my reaction. I thought my tears were gone. I thought I was a stone to all that was happening on my journey to enlist the help of a surrogate I call Angel. But I cried. The pain to complete this journey grew stronger. The possibility of losing the partner I love to trade with a "possible" new love overwhelmed me. I cried more than I should.
I had just finished watching the movie "La La Land." Like my fertility journey, I thought it would be quick, easy fun and something completed years ago. La La Land started with a musical and people were dancing and having fun. The two main characters were launching out to fulfil their dreams: one as a jazz musician and the other as an actress. Soon, they realize their dreams were not so easy to accomplish, like my dreams to conceive via IVF. After a few attempts, hope dissipates to despair in La La Land and for me in IVF Land.
The two main characters had hopes and dreams that brought them pain. After watching the movie, I was sad the whole night, especially knowing that I had to face the fact of the possibilities. If I proceed with the surrogacy, I could fulfil my primal need, but I could lose a lot (friends, career growth, a childhood friend who is now my partner) if my marriage dissolves?