"My Cup Runneth Over"
On Thursday "my cup runneth over." Built-up frustration overpowered me. I cannot describe what I did, but my partner remained calmed throughout my episode. Missing the appointment bothered me. He has never forgotten anything he had to do for the business, but he forgot the last tests to jumpstart our journey with Angel. I was hoping the new year would offer a new attitude, but that was short-lived when I mentioned IIVF again. He said parents become slaves to their children, that parents become ruled by children's schedules and demands, and we were too old for that.
On Friday I woke up, and after thinking about all that was happening, I decided that missing the appointment was the last straw. I was leaving to do this all on my own. I wanted to not have any regrets. I have heard stories from women who made their partners decide if they should create or build a family and they now regret they had given up having a child or another child, especially when they are divorced and he moved on to create his new family with someone else. I packed a suitcase and booked my ticket to somewhere warm. To make the story short, he asked me to return. So I'm here again. I'm waiting. He has a date with the doctor at the end of the month. If he does not go, I will go without ever returning. Last chance.