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It's All Downhill

Posted by Victoria , 14 November 2016 · 632 views

We rarely talk any more. I say what I have to say. He pretends that all is OK. I want him to know I hurt, that I cannot get over what he said. He wants me to accept his decision.
I know the marriage is over if he doesn't change his mind. He made a promise to me and I believed him and that was one reason we got married. He said he would "do it for me."
I know that if we separate, I'll lose him and I'll probably lose the opportunity to have another child. I don't have the funds to do surrogacy on my own or even go through another IVF cycle with donor eggs. There's no win, win. It's all lose, lose. But I'll rather be alone than be fooled. 

I'm so sorry that you are going through this.  :(  Have you tried counselling?  I had friends that had wanted kids and then a friend of theirs had a child born with a disability which put them into a complete panic and they changed their minds and didn't have children.  Perhaps something triggered his change of heart?   *hugs*

Thanks for your feedback. I do understand his position and I'm validating his feelings.

((Victoria)) wishing you an easier path

    • Victoria likes this
((Victoria)). Your struggle is real and your feelings are valid. Men often react differently and with passage of time it dan be easy for ones head space to change over the passage of time. I deeply feel your pain
    • Victoria likes this

i think you need to re-evaluate your situation. sit down with your other half and talk openly and as calmly as you can. you need to understand that he might not be the only-one that changed!! you might have changed towards him too. i would suggest to take a break for all IF for a while in order to work on your relationship! i think it is important to have a stable relationship before proceeding with IVF or surrogacy etc. in my ears you sound too stressed out and maybe a bit obsessed to make this baby happen at all costs!!  think about it and GOOD LUCK!!! 

Oh Victoria,


I am very sorry that you are facing this challenge and I feel for you.


I have no advice to give, but want you to know that my thoughts are with you and that I hope for a resolution that brings you peace and comfort.


This road is not an easy one and you are not alone.



    • Victoria likes this

Annatarz79, thanks for your feedback. However, the fact that we all want "this" to happen outside what is seen as "natural" is an obsession. If it weren't so, we would just yield to what our bodies do instead of going the IVF route or doing "this" alone. Your form of achieving your dream is as valid as mine. I may have to do "it" 10 times while you will do "it" 3 times.

I was not trying to offend you which it might have come across like this. it could be the fact that i am not a native speaker. so i will try to explain better. i support surrogacy, donor eggs, embryos you name it, and all the attempts that you can do in order to achieve your goal in having a baby. i have been trying officially for 7 years now non stop and i know that it takes a lot financial emotionally etc. Having said that i also believe that sometimes i think you need to take a small step back especially when your other half is tired or had enough or having a change of mind . you need some time to discuss things rationally and put things open on the table. unless having a baby is what only matters to you. i personally would try to figure out the changes in my partner since time is of essence due to age and surrogacy in your case. good luck to you and you are not alone in this journey!!

Annatarz79, I sincerely thank you for your comment. It made me pause and I had to reevaluate why I'm on this journey. So I sincerely thank you.  

    • gibasgirl likes this

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