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Flying On An Angel's Wings



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Lose Lose Situation

Posted by Victoria , 08 February 2017 · 265 views

I read the recent responses from amp77 and want2babies and I was mortified by my reaction. I thought my tears were gone. I thought I was a stone to all that was happening on my journey to enlist the help of a surrogate I call Angel. But I cried. The pain to complete this journey grew stronger. The possibility of losing the partner I love to trade wit...


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Another Twist, "It's a Sign From God"

Posted by Victoria , 01 February 2017 · 271 views

They find it -- my partner's lab work. It was not put in the database, thus the confusion. Everything comes back normal, and we (Angel and I) are ready to sail into my world of baby dreams. But, based on my journey to ascend to the top of my baby mountain climb, Angel's upcoming cycle will not render a transfer start dat...


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"When it rains, it pours"

Posted by Victoria , 30 January 2017 · 175 views

My partner got all his part (lab work) done. I thought that would allow me to exhale a sigh of relief, however, I can't exhale now. I sent the clinic a note asking for his results so I could get the protocol for Angel. I was hoping she could begin the transfer process.
 
The clinic cannot find the lab work. Was it delivered to the clinic? Was it deli...


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"My Cup Runneth Over"

Posted by Victoria , 16 January 2017 · 215 views

On Thursday "my cup runneth over." Built-up frustration overpowered me. I cannot describe what I did, but my partner remained calmed throughout my episode. Missing the appointment bothered me. He has never forgotten anything he had to do for the business, but he forgot the last tests to jumpstart our journey with Angel. I was hoping the new year...


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One Step Closer

Posted by Victoria , 10 January 2017 · 233 views
Surrogate, lab tests
Angel called me Sunday. She tried to utter words but I could barely hear them. Her voices was raspy and her words were inaudible.
 
"What?" I say. "I can't hear you.
 
She managed to force out the words, "I'm ready."
 
"You are coming by? I didn't type the document yet."
 
"No. I'm ready."
 
"It's not ready," I say.
 ...


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This Can't be Real

Posted by Victoria , 03 January 2017 · 357 views
IVF
I thought it was over, that our path to a potential successful transfer was decided. But he said to wait until after the 2016 December holidays. I was reluctant at first. I saw it as a pause for a change of mind again, but I said OK because I wanted to maintain trust. After all, he was taking the initiative to get other fertility stuff done...


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Hurdle No More

Posted by Victoria , 13 December 2016 · 256 views
IVF Journey
http://ivf.ca/forums...fault/wavey.gif http://ivf.ca/forums...ticons09710.gif Phew! My partner makes me scared because he's transformed into a ready-to-be father. Is this for real? Someone must have prayed a good prayer. It wasn't me. I was too sad. I couldn't pray.
 
He is no more reluctant ab...


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"Get Her Booked."

Posted by Victoria , 08 December 2016 · 312 views

I get someone to help me sort our my clothes, tidy my closet and separate my winter and summer clothes. I have to leave. I'm packing a hand luggage. I will not tell my partner and I don't want him to know my intention. He'll ask me to stay. But I cannot spend Christmas grieving. I need a long time to think before I reach my destination. I w...


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I Didn't Plan to Blog about Counselling Sessions

Posted by Victoria , 28 November 2016 · 271 views
IVF
We are seeing a counselor. I listen to my partner's fears and concerns and he listens to my anticipated joy of having a child. He talks about the business, more travelling and more alone-time with me. I talk about growing my role in the business, travelling with the baby, and more time with the future extended family.
 
We have differe...


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It's All Downhill

Posted by Victoria , 14 November 2016 · 514 views

We rarely talk any more. I say what I have to say. He pretends that all is OK. I want him to know I hurt, that I cannot get over what he said. He wants me to accept his decision.
 
I know the marriage is over if he doesn't change his mind. He made a promise to me and I believed him and that was one reason we got married. He said he would "do it...






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